Friday, December 30, 2011

Wish #17 Won't lose myself again

I promise to treat myself with all the right I deserved. I promise to be best friend of myself.and I promise to see myself stronger than before. because, I am natural gift to this dunya.

p/s you can't be a GREAT LOVER if you don't love yourself with all you will.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Wish #18 a new heart.

Like a depleted metal, letting go off the bubbles. it dissolved and left its trace behind. Vanished, disappear, but no sounds, mute. Can you tell?

Unlike flammable mercury, hazardous. volatile, even your ears (masking) are helpless. You can tell,


Everyone is struggling for so many things in her/his life. study, money, girl/boyfriend, marriage, kids, career or disease. Name it. You name it. Add the ambiguity of the aim, the goal, passion perhaps, and you learn by silence that you fall down and get up, again and again.

Last two days my heart arches because of something I dare not to mention. Misery is the best word to describe when it becomes so painful to bear with. It takes courage and strength to shaken myself, let go off the turmoil (of egoistic) inside my heart. Astagfirlahalazim.

she said,
" The problem is nothing but your heart", and indeed The Almighty won't look at your face, body but your HEART. It's tiring and frustrating because the blaming game is useless, and this reminder knocks me off. huh. Growing older is not easy, and I reminded myself, it's okay. Past is past, things happened.

I won't be indifferent nor unmoved. I need to change the glass, before filling it up again with the new, water. Tell me it is not that easy.

Friday, December 23, 2011

wish #19 forgive me.

Dear teeth, sorry for the unnecessary pain. I know you're suffered but I know you are strong enough. Have faith in me, I'm doing this for our future. So that, you won't decay faster, and I could stay with you, a little longer. I don't wanna lost you, so let's grow mature together. You will be beautiful.
What is medicine to me, is metal braces to you.
sincerely, jam.

Friday, December 16, 2011

wish # 20

Dear my future Husssssbannnnd,

I don't know where you're right now, but definitely you're always be in my prayer. Allah has everything under HIS control, and one day, I know I'll MARRY YOU. ameen.

continuation : Let's get old together,

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

tour of my hut

I love this epic clock
Since I'm phone-less, this one comes handy. Familia comes first!
mr. shaky with an empty blue board
MR. King and his DEAREST Madam Queen.
My canvas of art.

Every night in my dream.

Monday, December 5, 2011

walk your thought.

You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.
C. JoyBell C.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Chuck & Blair ♥ For me, it isn't over

I choose novel over movie. But this one is irresistible. Oh, mr. director please let Blair and Chuck together or else I will have to waste more and more tears.

by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The wild "X"

Hey everyone.

Hello. Okay. I'm not pulling anyone's knees but I had a serious thought that need to be expressed,or else it stucks like forever in my head. Dang!

Frankly I've being missing everyone these days. Yup, Selanjar 1( our first- s0-called-exam) had past, leaving a mark behind, to measure the performance, especially me. That's enough. The high "expectation" is there, I know it will be anywhere it wanna be but this time is different. The pressure of having good grades not because of me, my parents or sponsor body but for the name you carried behind your back. The name you don't want to be tarnished because, because you know the uphold prestigious is beyond the capacity- of your own vocabulary.

"SMART" , "Genius" can anyone tell me how you measure one's intelligence? Forget the IQ test, it won't do enough justice. The common answer you would get is "EXAM". Yap. thats freaking true. Even it is not for you, but it works for the society, (Asian especially) who makes it predominant in our life, that you are nothing without the A's. So everyone starts pulling their socks, put the glasses on and MUGGED UP everything in the books. So am I. I'm part of the system too.

It started so well in UPSR (six grade) then I've enjoyed the rainbow's colours in PMR (lower secondary school) before dancing in the rain of my SPM (high school). Whenever this big exams is haunting me, I'm well prepared. Bullets in my pocket, pretty sure I hit my target with the gun I'm proudly hold up to.

But this question of one of the interviewers hit me,

" You are doing pretty well in back then, what happens with your collage's result?"

Believe me, I didn't see it's coming. Guess, the storm comes along with the blessing rains.
" Huh, I do believe in destiny. AL Mighty is CAPABLE to do anything, everything. Back to my case, lets say I had given my 99% and the result didn't meet the "X-pactation". Do you put the blame on me?. Being a doctor, doesn't mean he/she had to stop being a human, which is not- flawless. Now tell me, what if you had done your very best to save your dearly patient's life but at the end of the day, the only kalimah you could say is, "Indeed we are belong to ALLAH, and indeed for him we are returned?".

I'm grateful they didn't reject me. It is actually blessing in disguise.

That is one real life example. To me, you are not required to get like 80% in exam to be claimed as "smart" or being the great achiever, but to learn new thing every day like playing instrument, or sports. To keep going digging the knowledge and soon to realize how little knowledge we possed before. To be able to act a really human being, and use the time wisely, to speak up your mind and channel for improvement. and there so many more. But, the system had moulded us to be like this. To desperately learn to pass the exam, to revise those that being highlighted and worst- to ignore other field of knowledges, that might appeared less important.


I miss karl. That guy in my high school, that always open up and discuss about the world. I miss those moments, we hang up together just to throw up our opinion regarding economics of Karl Max or palestin or immoral behaviours (that's seems morally right to him). And those days, that we being stayed up late, in the lab rooms, working on project called TORPEDO. Pretty exhausting to apply the physic's laws, and having hands-on practical at the same time. But we made it, we won the state championship with nel, fadzrin and hisyam.

Herol. This fantastic guy that really turn my head upset down. He got very interesting point on subject matter, that really push my button. To read, to research and to find answers to all the questions he had bombarded long time ago. I'm honored to be friend with him, seeing him growing up and choosing the right path.

Muna. This girl is a package. She is just..... I can't explain by words, but she is really understanding. Most important is, she knows how weird I am. and she loves it. :)

Fareeza. A strong girl, a role model and a loyal listener. I would mumble all along and she won't mind. She is cool yeah.

Last but not least, Bella. A sister, who held the answers for the doubt I had. Thanks.

Well, most of them won't read this, I know. But, inside my heart, they had left heart's prints that won't stain, withstand the test of time And I'm grateful, once we're talking, laughing and crying together in this real world. I miss you all.
Good night.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Cherry on the middle, and 4 kiwi(S) embrace it tightly, and forming a circle around. Not to forget the 4 oranges slice in the outer layer. That is the topping of my mini cheese cake.

I eat it, one by one, and let it melt on my tongue. I'm closing my eyes, letting the pieces absorbed completely, without chewing it at first.

Now, I'm having heavy flow. Just now, I had SSA ( Slice specimen Assessment) exam and yeah that pain was eating me inside out. If only I can scream, I wanna tell the whole world,

" Alarm. My uterine wall is falling down!"

It hurts. It hurts. and after the exam session, Yanti, Amalia and I rushed to the Kake Walk, the nearby cake shop. Well, the rest of the story you can expect.

p/s Cheese cake is the best.

Friday, November 25, 2011

she is not away. this time.

I'm happy now. Well that's good for a start, I read medical books everyday, read and read, discuss with my friends and watching CDs (the one that attached along with every purchased of books). I'm quite upset with my sister, she is not ONLINE-ing the whole day, and I patiently waiting for her. For God sake, if she is near, I feel like yelling
"hey liya, please online now! I'm freaking miss you, and mom". =.=

It is not her fault anyway. I can't inform her the exact time because I had lost my phone again. This is the 2nd time since I've been here,the first phone was inherited from my abah, where he proudly claimed

" this is the best phone ever, I been using it for 5 years, and yet it's still function well, not like any other latest sophisticated phones." and I'm in deep sadness when I've been detached from the nostalgic phone. sorry abah.
The 2nd one was the cheap-100 bucks-phone with "torchlight". I guess you can imagine the model. But I had lost it in Mumbai, when it accidentally dropped in the taxi , I was sleeping(and sleeping). But the feeling is not the same. I feel panic at first then indifferent.

Guess I don't need one. I keep reminding myself. And I'm phone-less now.

So back to the evening, I just online, hoping my sis will appear on my desktop. Guess what, Afiqah is online! OH my, read her status in skype " most of the time I'm away". But she is online now. I was so happy, only Allah knows how I miss her, more than I can tell!

Fi : Hye love.
J : Hye fi. Oh my I miss you.
fi : I know right, I miss you too.
J: Tell me bout NuMed.

Fi :The people are awesome. We have international students from singapore(obviously), sri lanka, india, uk and us.
J : Wow, Thats sound international enough. Do you mingle around?
Fi: Being me. of course
J : Wah. :D

So, the conversational keep on circulating about social life, exams, girls-stuff, miss you-miss you too. But I just so ecstatic to skype with her. I miss our " heart to heart" session. You're away most of the time,but you're close,here in my heart(pointing to my chest) :P

p/s The expectation is there, because I have a big dream, and I'm gonna chase it. I promise.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

#1 character

This is mr. shaky.

Strength : He is a smart and timid owl.
Weakness : He often misplace his belongings including his early worms.

Date on Birth : 20.8.2011
Place of Birth : Birgaeum, North Island of Neverland

Friday, November 18, 2011

disclaimer : I didn't own this

Roundabout (Tsundere act)

You say that I am spineless,

So I ask you if you want to be my spine,

You say that I am worthless,

So I ask if you care to make me worthy,

You presumed that I am hopeless,

I assumed that you just don’t like me,

You say that I’m in love with you,

I’ll say that I am not.


O, what’s up? What’s up with you?

You’re going round a roundabout,

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? I ask you,

Can you explain a little bit more,

My head keeps turning round and round,

Evading your elusive ground of speech,

Can you please just tell what’s going on?

And put my mind to ease.


You say that I am spineless,

So I’ll say its ’cause you are around,

You say that I am useless,

‘Cause I didn’t state my ground.

So I’ll speak my mind to ease your query,

I’ll say it out aloud,

I’ll say that I love you,

If you care to say so too.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Guilty pleasure.

Mechanical properties of skeletal muscle. That's the title of my lecture notes, yet my mind keep on tracing the next chapter of my current novel, NINETEEN MINUTES by you-know-who author. The temptation is so potent, that instead of pre-reading my atlas before anatomy dissection class, I took my ME time, holding the novel on my right hand while enjoying the indulges of cold coffee, on the left.

'Mechanical', sigh. I can't do sport, for the time being, so I try to figure an alternative way to spend my day. So maybe reading good book(instead of science books) would make me, well, less mechanical, less robotic. But the feeling ain't the same, I didn't sweat, and obviously I didn't smell that stinky.

and it is unfair to compare that way.

Having lecture classes from 8 am to 5 pm is surely exhausting, but not as draining like what I had in my previous college. My current routine is just another non-stop cycle, and circle as well.

Day 1
Morning : Wake up and go to class
Afternoon : Lunch and pray
Evening : Class
Night : Dinner and pray
Mid night : and study

Day 2 :
please see the above list.

Boring won't be my adjective this time, but I rather pick ' inhumane'.

Life is great, that the time zone could not catch me now, being adapted to it. Just, ermmm I had an end block assessment by 2pm, and it is showing the red light on the road, and persuading me, put my reading (of my novel)to a halt.

Make way to mechanical stuff first. To be continue..... reading it

p/s My seniors were perfectly right, "you just need to taste this once, it was a wonderful experience, and you would never want to take IB twice, not even if you being of offered one million dollar". Because the circle has an opening, that either lift you up or bring you down, before letting you re-cycle the routine.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

eid adha

He therefore smiled beamingly at her speech, and submitted,

" My Lord, bestow me guidance so that I thank you for the favour which you bestowed upon me and my parenst, and so that I may perform the good deeds which please You, and by Your mercy include me among Your bondmen who are worthy your proximity." (27:19)

Thats was the ant's pray in Sulamen story.

Thank you ya ALLAH for today. for eid adha. for Islam that I'll hold on, forever. InsyAllah. Happy eid everyone.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


HAPPINESS lies within your reach. but how far one have to go, to actually grab it?
" As far as you can".
Sometimes I just don't feel like going to certain classes like Demo and discussion class.So I just sit and relax in my room, listen to my old good songs, flip Chaurasia's book and end up indulge myself in my cozy comforter. I'm not saying that I feel HAPPY to break the rule, but I just need the space to breath. In this space, I'm the ruler of my own world, the queen I can say, before I humbly jump back as the commoner into the REAL world.

When Anatomy never lose its bullets, bombarding us with 1001 new terms and knowledge. and a point where it get too saturated, I feel like chocking. Even though I'm being me, who like to take things lightly, (and easy) yet I never forget that had a big commitment toward the subject, and I hate COMMITMENT, that's for sure.

I need privacy.
I just wanna be alone.
I need my ME time.
to restore the memory disk inside my mind.

Reality check? still, it is pretty enjoyable, no doubt that I stay on the right road.
You will never appreciate what is happy really means, if you never encountered major sadness.
and happiness is not just an episode of this journey but the background of my scenery. I'm blessed. Alhamdulilah.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

de ATH

It was 2 a.m and I still reading, my twitter page. Today is Sunday, and it is not a holiday. Yeah we have class – Malay Class which is compulsory even though I’m no longer in my hometown But it’s fine with me.

I feel so blessed today, I just done my revision and I can easily grab the concept. It is well extraordinary, because I know my capability but sometimes I just underestimate myself. I am my worst enemy. I like putting unnecessary pressure on myself, by telling I’m not good enough. Point out my own weakness instead of concentrating on my strength. That’s pathetic. I know.

Pause. Then, a thought come into my mind. If Allah didn’t ease my study, I won’t be able to digest the content of my subject. That’s the ultimate true. Alhamdulilah, I closed my eyes, letting my soul to recall the shower of bless on me. Again, thank you ALLAH.

Another pause. What if I die tonight? Will people cry? like how I did when I first see this world? Yes.MAYBE. But apart from tears, I just hope they will remember me in their plight every time in sollah. Al fatihah is the best present one can give for the dead man, and me too. Fear of dying is there, but it is a world that already destined for us. This world we are live in is merely a dream, and the immortal life is after your heartbeat stop pumping.

I remember Fi’s father a.k.a Mr. Moghni said

“Dying is like moving from another phase. Like when you are baby, you grow up as a teenager, an adult, the old man and come the last phase, ‘man from different, time’. If you implement that in your mind, then you can lessen the fear”

Stop. Someone had just passed away. I ‘m not kidding. I just READ Azmir seed’s tweet. A junior. a boy. Mara College Banting.

Tick tock tick tock. His time had came.Who is next?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

hero (in)

Like crossing the bridge, there are moments where you will grip the handle so hard, afraid from failing down, or maybe direct your attention on your feet, putting extra careful in steps you are about to take.

“ Try not to jump” she said.


It was a hot afternoon where I ran back to my hostel to take a siesta before attending the Remedial class at 230pm. On my way, I stopped immediately at Ain Ariffin’s room, as a poster of a cute baby in a grim, clenching a fist and a note spotted down the picture “SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE YOUR OWN HERO” really caught my attention.

And one year had gone. Now I’m standing in a different land, with distinct languages being spoken. Luckily English is widely use among professional people over here, but I’m more interested to learn Kannada and Hindi. The subject is quite okay, as Prof KJ mentioned before, medicine is a simple yet adventurous subject. It is easy but you need to tackle the huge volume of the content. So true, imagine the class is started from 8am to 5pm, every Monday to Saturday. (: How cool is that? And can you imagine how many things I learn in a day? Absorption of knowledge is a question, but more than that, I enjoyed learning new things everything. For me, it is beyond memorizing what is ‘ala’, or ‘mastoid process’ or maybe what is tendon made up of?. It is more like the spirit of a baby starting to learn ABC, or counting as simple as 1 2 3. She is smart not by knowing everything in a first attempt but by forgiving herself as she made mistakes all along.

Adapting is another issue. Since I was in form 1, I learnt to be independent, being in a boarding school for 5 years, and after that spending my precious 2 years in a heaven called Mara College Banting. To be honest, I still stuck in reverse. Deep inside my heart, that college really mould to become who I am today. The place which I hate at first turned out to be a place where I hardly accept that I’m no longer it’s permanent citizen. I learn the hard way that excellent result doesn’t indicate that you’re intelligent, at the end it is only a piece of a paper, just a ticket for you to start your other journey. Because the most crucial thing is WHAT YOU HAD BECOME at the end.

I’m lucky to have a loyal and sister-like roommate. Her name is Deebs. She just won the Best of Short Movie awards for Trinity 2011. I’m so happy for her. Well, she is wayyyyy toooo nice to me. I mean she respects all my decisions, she knows how to handle my anger plus frustrations, she knows how to celebrate my joys and most of all, she understand whenever I need my privacy space (when I need to be alone). Because I just don’t see any point of being clingy here. I love to walk wherever my legs take me, I love to laugh with the people I just met, I love to hang out with a bunch of girls in the juice shop or just sitting next to random people in different lectures. I lead my life that way. Not to say I don’t have any closest friend, or clique, but in a mean time, I just want to be like this. Still, being reserved doesn’t mean I need to be quite. I’m still a chatterbox, whenever necessary. And somehow, you had to love yourself, being a hero and save your own life, from drowning in the ocean of shock.

And I’m my own hero(in). Am fixing myself and continue to cross this bridge, and I’m not afraid of the wooden holes. Oh Allah, please show me the way. (:

Monday, October 17, 2011


A guy that can accept your flaws, love you unconditionally, kiss you on your worse & call you beautiful no matter what is a guy worth loving.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

fix me

Fix me

Heart break. I feel so devastated that I’m no longer see the pain nor I can feel it. So it is buried, deep down in my heart. I feel like throwing tantrum, being blunder, cursing under my breath but I can’t. I just let my tears dropping down, and let go everything. (but I know it is not merely means the end)


Belgaum, India – I love the place. I love the lecturers. I love the climate. I can tolerate with almost everything, name it – the dogs, the dust (even I have own my air purifier in my room), the freak auto , the ‘extreme food’ and the weird look being thrown to us (foreigner)

But I can’t really accept the management. Yesterday was supposed to be my volleyball match. This tournament is a big match involving the whole Karnataka State ( KLE society), students from Goa, Manipal and the nearby place came and join this event called TRINITY. It is composed of Cultural competition, Sport and Literature. Okay, then I was ecstatic to know that there will be VOLLEYBALL match. Oh My, I miss volleyball so much, that I can’t even concentrate in the class. Sometimes, in the middle of the lecture, my mind playing the trick on me, visualizing the most auspicious moment to dig the ball and serve it sharply. WOOAAAHHH~

To cut it short, I didn’t get to play volleyball. We are following the schedule while the match had been held a day in advance. They had not informed us about the changes. We were there, in the court waiting for the other team, when a judge came and dropped the breaking news to me. I can’t think of anything at that time. I'm down on my knees, and burst. See, in my campus the volleyball court is under construction, yet in almost a month I had been here, I didn’t get the chance to play, at all.

And I don’t expect people to understand how I feel. I’m not bragging how good I am in that sport, or have the intention to do so. And I don’t care what people say about that because NO One can stop me from playing my favourite sport. It is just me, my nature. I just doing thing I love the most. I feel good in my smelly shirt, with my dirty ball and messy looking ‘scarf’. I don’t give a damn on how I would look like on the field. The palpitation of my heartbeat, sharpness of the eyes and the co-operation between team members are enough to make my day. :’(

I’m miserable.

The next day, my English teacher read me a passage. Roughly, the passage was about FIND HAPPINESS WITHIN YOURSELF. I’m getting her point. I’m fighting against my feeling now. For the time being, please bear with me. Somebody,please FIX ME.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


Because we have the different wavelength, different frequency, different length. doesn't mean we can't produce nice lullaby.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

kill the time

28th September 2011.

Time flies so fast, before I couldn’t even record all the new things I discovered in here, Belgaum, India. Well, now is almost 3 am and I didn’t feel sleepy, yet. I blame the tasty WHITE COFFEE of OldTown , which I had took for breaking my fast. That caffeine is the culprit which restraint myself from curling up on my bed.

I had just received phone call from MR. A. Looks like he is easily adapting in Liverpool, having fun time chit chatting with the girl sitting next to him. Coincidence as it seems, that the girl has exactly share the same name as him. Well, in a simpler words, they are both have the same name. The girl is an Arabian from Kuwait if I’m not mistaken. HAHAHHAHA, well if they are together (soon), the only things that differ is the title of MISS and MR. in their first name. So sweet J.

Well it is a free call actually, that being rewarded for him, as the promotion strategy to persuade him to buy the sim card. Hence the phone call doesn’t cost him much.

Regarding my study in here, it is quite different as my degree is Medical Degree (MD) and not MBBS, the most common degree in Malaysia. So, the explanation is here, in my brain, but my fingers refused to type it one by one. Maybe I can explain it later, if necessary. But basically, now I’m in nursing block. Nothing much, but I’m quite surprised by the enthusiasm showed by the lecturers. They are dedicated to give the knowledge and deliver the lectures/lessons as clear as possible. Somehow I feel like been given spoon feeding. Imagine we are just need to enter the lecture hall, then the lecturer will explain things from A to Z, he will clear up your doubt if you have any, he will do research if he can’t answer the questions and get it back to you, and you can even rewind the lesson on the website because it was recorded. Fuh!

I’m afraid the students (including me), will have the tendency to become too dependent on people soon. You can’t always depend on the people. That’s for sure.

However, I had the small talk with Frans (my senior), and she mentioned about the PBL in the 2nd year. PBL stands for Problem Based Learning , is a method of study where the student will have discussion among themselves, solve the case given, and learn new thing from the case. For example, case related ermmm MALARIA. Then they will study the factors or anything related to it. Luckily they provide the space for the students to be independent in digging new knowledge. Maybe that’s one of the reason, this system is called ‘integrated’.

Till then,

yup. INDIA it is,


So, I safely arrived in India, to be specific in Belgaum. I travelled with Juraimy and Fazmi, few KMBians and the rest of Kolej Teknologi Timur (KTT)’s students. Oh ya, we were accompanied by our deputy dean Prof. KJ.

Kuala Lumpur International Airport à Bangalore Airport à Hubli Airport


2 buses of Karnataka International School were arrived readily for us. One is meant for the boys and one is for the girls. Next, 3 Indian boys kindly help us to lift up our luggage on the buses since they have no bag compartment. Well, it is just like a school bus. But I thanked them for their kindness.

Throughout the journey to our campus, the green lush scenery never failed to amaze me. The road was functional well, so I won’t bother to complaint about it anywhere. By the way, I was so excited to see a tank lorry –( just like our PETRONAS lorry which usually used for carrying fuel like petrol or natural gas) with a ‘MILK’ labelled at the back. WOW! HAHAHHA. Milk is as important as the petrol back in Malaysia. One more thing I love to emphasize is about HONKS. They greet each other via honks, so ‘noise pollution’ is not really exist in the dictionary of people of India. Sometimes their honks have this melody *

Main Hostel

Alhamdulilah. I had reached the campus. Once again, the Indian patron carried my luggages and boxes up to my room. Since Adibah Abd. Rahman (my roommate) had reached the campus one day earlier than me, so I don’t need to register for another room. My room number is 511 which coded for 5th floor, no. 11. Fazmi and Ju’s room is 506. Yes. Boys and girls are living under one roof, in the same building that being divided with a partition, where the right sided is boys’ hostel and the other half is for the girls. No worries, the partition is concrete enough that no one is able pass through it. So, I won’t meet any boys along the corridor. Too bad. :P

Everyone kept asking about my rice cooker since the box is only wrapped by the airport plastic that can be seen clearly on the outside. I had no problem to lend it to them, with a condition that they are obliged to put extra care of handling it. I brought the rice cooker from Malaysia so that I won’t have trouble finding hot/warm water in the middle of the night. My mom insisted me to bring rice cooker because it is multi-function rather that kettle/water heater alone. Apart from that, I bring along my hair dryer ( girl’s stuff) and air purifier – for health purposes.

USM KLE Campus

So, the next day we had a welcome ceremony. It was their tradition to welcome the new comers with roses. I was ecstatic to see the pioneer, the first batch of USM-KLE were gathered at the main entrance, waiting for us to make an honour entrance. While we were moving inside, each of us will receive a rose. Romantic right?

I still kept the rose inside my book.

p/s The above text was written on 12th September, but I just had the opportunity to post it. Haha

Friday, September 9, 2011

my $400

I went to USM ( Universiti Sains Malaysia), all by my self. It was tiring, but luckily I hop on earlier flight to Kuala Lumpur. So 0n 5th september Kota Kinabalu- Kuala Lumpur. The next day, Kuala Lumpur - Kelantan. And I took an airport taxi to the university, which cost 30 bucks.It's quite affordable.

Surprisingly, the taxi driver told me that airport taxis are not belong to any company but they themselves. So, all the profit gained will be theirs minus the fee/rent need to be paid to the airport. Wow. Imagine all the airport taxi drivers need to work under a AIRPORT TAXI company where they need to pay around MYR 70 per day, MYR 21oo per month! But in Kelantan you can cut those cost and the money is all yours. Seriously $2100 is a BIG DEAL, especially in this global downturn economy (despite of slightly increase in our currency) . It's rare to find this system in Malaysia since I only discovered in Kelantan, so far. Management wise, it is beneficial to the people of Kelantan.

Orientation days? HAHAHAHAHA. Sometimes, it is too risky to put a high expectation. I thought USM-KLE is an international programme, which should be PRESENTED/CONDUCTED in a more PROFESSIONAL way(s). Before I further hitting the keyboards, letting nasty comments appeared in the screen, just let sum it up, MANAGEMENT SUCKS. I don't think my $400 is worthy to fly off to Kelantan.

But still, they are 3 things that caught my attention,

1) Prof KJ is a deputy dean. He is a charismatic person, with the ability to persuade people with words. He knew what to talk to, in a CORRECT register, language and tone. Get what I mean? As far as I knew, an official international ceremony should be conducted fully in English (like he did), well yes, the otherwise happened in USM. Luckily, he is my savior, and his speech reminded me of my 'niat' to India, which is to gain knowledge, not only in the lecture classes but also in picking up the experience along the street, supermarket or maybe in the mosque.

2) It was a golden opportunity to get listen to Tan Sri Sidek Hassan , Ketua Setiausaha Negara ( Chief Secretary) face to face. Not really. USM utilized the IT technology, where 3 official events are conducted simultaneously, and appeared in the large screen. Just like skype.
USM have 3 branches 2 in penang , and 1 in Kelantan. The main campus is in Penang, so while Tan Sri delivered his speech in the main campus, the students from the other campus will glue their eyes on the screen, or just felt a sleep. One of the senior had captured my picture while I'm taking my siasta. grrrrr.What really matters is Tan Sri's speech entitled CHALLENGING STATUS QUO. I don't really understand what he was saying( his voice isn't that clear or maybe because of the speaker problems) but I'm so intrigued to study more of his hidden messages. In my opinion, it was like asking MALAYs/Bumiputeras, do we really deserved all the scholars/subsidies/ financial help yet we didn't put much efforts to help ourselves? I don't think I can elaborate more about it, since I didn't get a big picture of it. But I already asked PPSL ( facililtator) of USM to send me a copy of his speech. Luckily, she said she will request it from the main campus. I am agree with him, go forward, we need to think like a professional, stand with our own feets and keep moving.

3) I'm making friends with 3 normal people in my batch. Mira, Fadzrin and Faris. They are normal.

Mentality, Malay. I hope my bad impression will be gone.

Overall, my flight is postponed due to some technical problems. So, I'm going off to India tomorrow, by 10.10 pm. Still I had mix feeling. I wasn't that excited. I wasn't that sad.

p/s people do think before you talk, it is way disrespectful using your dialect and assuming everyone else will understand you.

Sunday, September 4, 2011


My journey is about to BEGIN. Bismilahirrahmannirrahim.


Email from miss sheila : my flight itinerary

Kuala lumpur - Bangalore 9.9.2011 MH 192 2210 - 2340
Bangalore - Hubli Airport 10.9.2011 IT 2433 0805- 0920

The problem is, where do I sleep on 9/9? At Bangalore airport perhaps. I don't think my sponsor body is rich enough to book a hotel/motel for us. (:

Friday, September 2, 2011


my 'gothic' sis

p/s my mother wasn't around because she was too busy in the kitchen.

So, Ramadhan had passed. Now come, SYAWAL.

Like always, after we done with raya-prayers at the UMS mosque, we (my family and I) pay a visit to the my uncle's graveyard. Done with yassin, du'a and al fatihah, we went home.


Time flies, and soon I'll leave kota kinabalu. I had mix feeling, well I been travelling A LOT,( ALONE). So, I'm not really sure this 4hours + 1hour journey will make any difference from the others. I'm sure it will but my tongue still do not detect any flavors, my heart is still numb or I just didn't lick anything , (yet) that worth my heart to skip few beats.

I used to forget how to wake up early, line in front of the bathroom (in the hostel), wear baju kurung which doesn't require ironing and I'll run as fast as I could when the clock showed 8am.
Unfortunately, some(many)times I got caught red-handed by the warden, causing my ID to be 'hijacked' and I end up showing up late for class. No worries,teacher will still go on with the lesson which had started earlier before me , but no complaint will be attainable if filed because of losing 5% in my final exam. and even 1/2 MARK makes a BIG difference.

One more thing, for the first 2 semesters in KMB, I found it hard to adapt, to survive. My flawless skin got major damaged by the new environment, I had been quarantined for a week thanks to H1N1 virus, struggle hard enough to change my eating pattern, where I need to wait another 1 hour than usual before having my lunch (in Sabah, I had lunch at 1 pm) and of course, fever and flu. The above mention(S) gave me a pass to skip the academic class(es) . Yes, but no matter what happened, you still can find me serving the volleyball up high or dribbling the basketball on the court. or just, running around the field IN THE EVENING. (:

Ouh. 3 months had passed. Today, I need to fly to Kuala Lumpur to start another chapter of my life.

And I wonder, do the cycle really rotate? Will the old routine repeated itself?

Monday, August 29, 2011


The moment I press 'send', I'm prepared to be rejected.

The moment I took off the first layer of double-tape, and folded the upper part of the envelope, I'm prepared to be rejected.

I wasn't a somebody. I'm just JAMARIAH. or jemz. or Mariah. meet me, but one thing I knew, I am willing to fight to get what I want.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The story of heart and liver.

Last night I went to DR. Ahmad’s clinic, he is more than a family doctor to me. He is like a councillor, the one who always boost my motivation to chase after my dream, to be a doctor.

So basically I need to take the 3rd shot of hepatitis B. The 1st shot was taken 7 months ago, while the 2nd shot was taken 1 month after that. Dr. Saaidah, our college/IB coordinator had email us regarding this shot, that is necessary to be taken by ALL MEDIC students. At first I was confused, because I thought this shot is compulsory to all students who are about to fly aboard – to prevent from infectious disease. But my fellow engineering friends need not to take them.

So, I just let my confusion lingers in the air, until last night.

Me : Why we need to take this shot?

Dr. A : Well, as the medical student, you’ll exposed to bacteria, gems and virus, or common disease from the patient. Prevention is better than cure right?

Me: Owh. Okay. (Avoid seeing my upper arm, yet I can still feel the pain under the skin as the needle poke slowly). So, err ‘hepa’ is heart right?

Dr. A : Nope. Hepa is liver.

Me : yes. I mean, liver. ( HATI (in Malay) is liver. Then, Jantung (in Malay) is heart) )

Dr. A : The word ‘hepa’ is derived from American Latin which means liver. And titis, anything end with ‘titis’ means inflammation or disease. These words are from American Latin. So HEPA-TITIS is liver disease,

Me : penyakit hati!

Dr. A : Yeah you got it right.

Ironically, we might talk about the same thing, at the same time, but from a very different view. While he explained ‘HEPATITIS’ , my mind keep digesting it as LIVER DISEASE. I’m not bluffing, I was thinking about the HEART disease.

Actually, it was ‘liver disease’.

****** Okay, I’m getting confused here ************

Firstly, I’m not a pious girl, but I remembered during the Islamic Education’s class, my USTAZ once told us,

“ There is one essential part of the human’s body. If it’s pure, then the rest of body will be fine- and the organ is HEART”

Rasul Allah (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound
and if it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt, and hearken it is the heart."

[Sahih Muslim]

( source :

“ Every sin that you commit will leave a black mark/ dot in your heart. Sooner or later, your heart will be dark as pitch-black, and that will definitely explained your rebellious/barbaric/ mean attitude.”

Have you ever heard that, “It is not the colour of your skin, or your body size, or your maybe your height that define who you are. But your HEART is. ”

Well, maybe that’s explained how the ‘KIND-HEARTED’ word is derived.

I been thinking for a couple of days, what is the colour of my heart? Is it white- pure? Or maybe it is as dark as charcoal?

Or, just assume it will be in between, my heart is GREY. And I realize, assumption kill!

One of the top factors of this disease is a stubborn virus - GOSSIP.

Being a girl, you can’t help listening to all the gossips, almost every day. The girl next door having baby outside marriage, mr. Z is a failure boy, he can’t afford to find any job and now his parent need to pay his loan (PTPTN), She might looks nice in the outside, but surprisingly she practised black magic and injected ‘susuk’ , His father is Dato’, no wonder he won the competition, and the list goes on and on and on. Correction, it is applied to boys as well, so being a HUMAN, sounds better.

It’s eerie to know that, not only the lips- that utter the words, will be judged in the Judgement Day. So does the ears that do the listening part. At times I feel like running milestone when this kind of conservation started. Especially when I listen it from my mother, my teacher or grandmother or just family members, I will try to defend that persons ( if I know them) or I will just start to run a new topic, make random compliments or ask stupid questions to distract the main storyline.

And sometimes I just get carried away with the conversation. Or be the one who started it, ( I admit it)

I just knew that this exposure of news make me closer to feel insecure. Imagine you heard about bad news from different sources, and one day, the sun didn’t brighten your day as you want it to be, engulf by the solemn clouds, you know that the time had come, and when tickle of rains start to fall off, the first thing popped up in your mind will be


It ain’t fun. Because some people are brave and blunt at the same time, make nasty comment right to your face. You have no choice but to swallow the words, bit by bit.

And to some, they are sensitive about it or cowardly gossip about it behind YOUR back, which was, WORST.

And I don’t think 3rd shot is enough to prevent this disease. HEPATITIS can be blocked before spread to the rest of the body but HEART DISEASE is like a contagious long-life sickness. We pick up the virus anytime, anywhere. Yup, the one to be blamed – the words.

Pick the right words, do the second thought before deliver them, verbally.

Apart from that, a practical solution to re-whitening the heart, making it crystal clear is ,

"A great amount of remembrance of death and recitation of the Qur'an." [Tirmidhi].

(source :

Finally, just make sure the heart is in good condition, physically and spiritually. :D

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

not cool okay.

I don't care whether you're a biatch or a plain good girl. Just, don't mess with people's husband. When the tables were turned, and karma hit you, it ain't cool no more, right ?

Monday, August 22, 2011

To love is to understand and compromise

“Don’t ruin the future because of your past. It is so not worthy – Jamariah ”

So, I decided not to wallow in self-pity, and I need to move on. Even it is so hard, like a tied-bricks on my feet, I need to MOVE ON.

So, I made a list and wrote down the pros and cons. It is sort of scribble of my own thought, in a A4 paper. It looks like this ;



It is a new university; I get to stay in a sophisticated building, which it’s far better than staying in most of government hostels in Malaysia. The rent is dirty cheap tho’, less than RM200 per month, for a master-room size (I assume it when I saw the pictures) equipped with a toilet +heater.

It is INDIA. Bear in mind, inside the hostels and campus area might appeared clean and hygiene. But, outside? Well, I got to wait and see, how true the rumours can be. Plus I have sensitive skin ( I cannot sweep the floor), allergic to dusts (sinus), easily affected by miscellaneous ‘organisms’ causing me fever, or headache, or flu or cough especially as pollution gets more and more rampant.

Solution : I wanna buy air purifier and vacuum, and put it in my room. Get tonnes of masks and gloves, during the BAD days.

I will graduate with a MD (Medical Degree), after a fight with Cikgu Nik, I want to highlight that MBBS is equivalent to MD. The only difference is MBBS is a UK degree while MD followed US style. ( Like A level and IB). Plus, Jawaharlal Nehru is a renowned college/uni in India, as well as in Malaysia. At least, Malaysia medical doctor association recognized it, so there will be no one can question my degree in the future. Plus, it is 100% USM syllabus which I considered myself as lucky as the fact that, it is hard to get into government medical school in Malaysia.

There will be no INTERNATIONAL STUDENTs apart from the local ( Indians) in the university. So hell yeah, we are all MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. No variety. What the purposed of study oversea, again?

And everyone end up with medicine, or dentistry course. We gonna talk about MEDICAL stuff most of the time. Or test. Or cadaver. Or classes. To be true, I find people with different course (like engineering) are far more interesting. They give wider perspective of an issue that make me think beyond the norm. Their thoughts, or shares, or just jokes keep me going, and usually make me feel ‘ NORMAL’.

Solution : No solution. The only choice I have is to mix with the local.( Will do).

Be creative. Be interesting. Oh yeah, I easily get bored with something/someone. Turn me on, please ;P

Currency. RM 1= INR 13.8.

Heaven? I know. If I’m not mistaken, I will be given traveller cheque for 6 months in advance. So, after done with the easy MATHEMATICS calculation, my allowance will be USD500 per month. Equivalent to PLUS MINUS RM1500 ( RM 1 = USD 2.9) .

My expenses for a month :

1) Rent = apprx. RM200

2) Food (MESS)= Will be covered by MARA

3) Miscellaneous = RM XXX

4) Books= Refer to books allowance

5) Electrical Appliances = Refer to electrical appliances allowance.

So, RM 1500 – RM200 = RM1300. Minus all the miscellaneous thingy, I know I can save up to RM500. :D

It is quite a lot, so I can use them to travel around INDIA with Maya, Ju, Deebs, Anis, and Fazmi Doraemon.

Milo is rare. It is damn expensive ( refer to Zarena Belle who currently study @ MSU, india). Magee is ‘sedap’ no more, no kicap. Be careful if I wanna eat outside, or else I end up spending the whole of the day inside the loo. Hygiene is the main issue, which hardly to be controlled. I am not in Malaysia, where I can file a complaint or let the authorities take legal action against the owner of the stall/restaurant.

Solution: Bring lots of stock. For sure. And mama asked me to bring along the rice cooker and water heater. Drink clean water. Cook if I can, especially in Saturday’s night ( MESS, the café that supplied us with the luxurious food will be closed). Buy fresh raw meats, or vegetables. Clean them thoroughly. So, anyone who good in cooking, kindly be my roommate please? Haha.

Travel around INDIA, leave a mark in Taj Mahal Area. Visit nearby countries like Egypt – for pyramids-seeing, Hong Kong (Disneyland) and my favourite honeymoon spot - MALDIVES (must go!!)

Unhealthy diet will lead me nowhere but hospital. This situation will occur, only and only if I wanna save up and travel to Europe and US. It will consume lots of money which I think I can’t afford. Despite of the declination currency of US Dollar, Indian Rupee still won’t able to beat that.

L Goodbye Olympic 2012. But I’ll try to save for Ireland. Can’t wait to see my other classmates, which will be studying in National University of Galway. Proud of you guys :D

Solution : Go with the flow. Dive but don’t get drown.

Thank you Allah for keep me awake during the graduation day. I can still hear the voice in my head,

“ Malaysia needs more economist, entrepreneurs, engineering in Technology and specialist doctor in the future ”- quoted by Ketua Pengarah MARA, YB Datuk Ibrahim in PICC, 6th August 2011. And he adds “ MARA willing to offer scholarship for those who are interested in that field”.

Can you spot the opportunity? Yes. I’ll continue my study until I became a specialist. There are 2 universities that caught my attention so far – Uni of Cardiff, Uk and Uni of John Hopkin, US.


1) According to Uncle Osman ( Safo’s father), they are many Indians in Cardiff. J

2) As I learnt in Business Class, most US companies placed their operator line in India. They trained the Indians to speak fluently like them to do the job. India is known for the low labor supply, so America companies seized this opportunity to cut cost, which eventually will increase their revenue. In my opinion, they are more business relationship going on between these countries.

However, the requirement for postgraduate is quit high. I must obtain at least, 1st class upper to secure the place. Then again, I do not know, if they will recognize USM graduates. Unlike UM, which is a worldwide known, I still have doubt about this.

There will be a lot of tiring procedures to endure with, such as medical examinations, obtaining recommended letters, and interviews.

Solution : If you dare to dream, you must dare to keep it real. I just love this quote. Be creative about the visualisation.

My drugs- volleyball and basketball. Well, being the captain and share the tears and laughter is one of the most enjoyable moments in my life. I won’t give up that easy. I still want to be an International Player. Twist ( currently study at Manipal) told me there will be a volleyball tournament in Manipal College on December. LAGENDA – the name of the programme, which organized by Malaysian Student Association, provided many games to be won ,Malaysian foods to be sold and cultural performances to be performed on that week.

Not to forget volleyball requires members of 7 girls. I’m not going to play alone.

Solution: Work out. Find members. I love getting my hands dirty, my body stinky and beat of sweats running through my face to prove I have what it takes to win over the championship. So do contact me if anyone interested to play.

Well I’m glad I could apply the business technique, to list the pro and con, and calculated the move, to weight whether it is a wise step or not. I believe in analytical personality will go far if I set my mind on it. Alhamdulilah I got 7 for business, I should be an entrepreneur then :D

I hope this is final and my next 5 years will be memorable.