The wild "X"

Hey everyone.

Bye.

Hello. Okay. I'm not pulling anyone's knees but I had a serious thought that need to be expressed,or else it stucks like forever in my head. Dang!

Frankly I've being missing everyone these days. Yup, Selanjar 1( our first- s0-called-exam) had past, leaving a mark behind, to measure the performance, especially me. That's enough. The high "expectation" is there, I know it will be anywhere it wanna be but this time is different. The pressure of having good grades not because of me, my parents or sponsor body but for the name you carried behind your back. The name you don't want to be tarnished because, because you know the uphold prestigious is beyond the capacity- of your own vocabulary.

"SMART" , "Genius" can anyone tell me how you measure one's intelligence? Forget the IQ test, it won't do enough justice. The common answer you would get is "EXAM". Yap. thats freaking true. Even it is not for you, but it works for the society, (Asian especially) who makes it predominant in our life, that you are nothing without the A's. So everyone starts pulling their socks, put the glasses on and MUGGED UP everything in the books. So am I. I'm part of the system too.

It started so well in UPSR (six grade) then I've enjoyed the rainbow's colours in PMR (lower secondary school) before dancing in the rain of my SPM (high school). Whenever this big exams is haunting me, I'm well prepared. Bullets in my pocket, pretty sure I hit my target with the gun I'm proudly hold up to.

But this question of one of the interviewers hit me,

" You are doing pretty well in back then, what happens with your collage's result?"

Believe me, I didn't see it's coming. Guess, the storm comes along with the blessing rains.

" Huh, I do believe in destiny. AL Mighty is CAPABLE to do anything, everything. Back to my case, lets say I had given my 99% and the result didn't meet the "X-pactation". Do you put the blame on me?. Being a doctor, doesn't mean he/she had to stop being a human, which is not- flawless. Now tell me, what if you had done your very best to save your dearly patient's life but at the end of the day, the only kalimah you could say is, "Indeed we are belong to ALLAH, and indeed for him we are returned?".

I'm grateful they didn't reject me. It is actually blessing in disguise.

That is one real life example. To me, you are not required to get like 80% in exam to be claimed as "smart" or being the great achiever, but to learn new thing every day like playing instrument, or sports. To keep going digging the knowledge and soon to realize how little knowledge we possed before. To be able to act a really human being, and use the time wisely, to speak up your mind and channel for improvement. and there so many more. But, the system had moulded us to be like this. To desperately learn to pass the exam, to revise those that being highlighted and worst- to ignore other field of knowledges, that might appeared less important.

Discrimination.

I miss karl. That guy in my high school, that always open up and discuss about the world. I miss those moments, we hang up together just to throw up our opinion regarding economics of Karl Max or palestin or immoral behaviours (that's seems morally right to him). And those days, that we being stayed up late, in the lab rooms, working on project called TORPEDO. Pretty exhausting to apply the physic's laws, and having hands-on practical at the same time. But we made it, we won the state championship with nel, fadzrin and hisyam.

Herol. This fantastic guy that really turn my head upset down. He got very interesting point on subject matter, that really push my button. To read, to research and to find answers to all the questions he had bombarded long time ago. I'm honored to be friend with him, seeing him growing up and choosing the right path.

Muna. This girl is a package. She is just..... I can't explain by words, but she is really understanding. Most important is, she knows how weird I am. and she loves it. :)

Fareeza. A strong girl, a role model and a loyal listener. I would mumble all along and she won't mind. She is cool yeah.

Last but not least, Bella. A sister, who held the answers for the doubt I had. Thanks.

Well, most of them won't read this, I know. But, inside my heart, they had left heart's prints that won't stain, withstand the test of time And I'm grateful, once we're talking, laughing and crying together in this real world. I miss you all.

Good night.