Friday, March 18, 2011

kepada semua yang bergelar MELAYU

mALIQUe (too phat) - LAYU
Favourite poem

Aku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Aku pasti bukan aku seorang saja yang nampak
Ada juga bercadang bertanya tuan punya
Tapi bercampur risau dengan tak tergamak
Nanti dikata tak bersyukur, dikata tak sedar diri
Jadi aku menyendiri, memerhati dan akhirnya mengakui
Yang kita sendiri
Membiarkan bunga raya melayu ke kanan
Dan dibiar bunga tak cantik mekar di kiri

Aku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Tanah air kita yang punya
Kita siram, kita baja tapi angin api kita lupa
Mereka merancang masa menjilat bangsa

13 harimau bertukar menjadi mangsa
Kita lupa nenek moyang kaya-raya
Jangan sekali-kali digadai harta-bendanya

Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu

Takkan Melayu hilang di dunia
Ya... tapi apa guna tak hilang di dunia
Kalau kewujudan tidak dirasa
Petah berbahasa kudrat tak berjasa
Orang berbudi kita hanya tahu merasa
Selalu lari bila dirapat
Selalu malu bila soalan diaju
Selalu segan memberi pendapat
Rela mengikut dari meneraju
Belum nyanyi sudah bersorak
Suka berjanji dalam borak
Bukan kata tak ada otak
Cuma tak berfikir di luar kotak

Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu

Aku jadi sayu
Bunga menangis dia mendayu
Mahu jadi cantik tetapi ragu
Aku merayu
Bangunlah semula hidup kembali
Jangan tunggu matahari mati
Cepatlah mekar sebelum terlerai

Perjuangan kita belum selesai

Perjuangan kita belum selesai

Perjuangan kita belum selesai

my daughter

If i have a daughter, I'll call her

- Alexandria
- Qamariah

If I have a son, I'll call him ....


Venue : In the car
Time : Cold damn morning, it had being rained last night.

Me : Mama, when did mama had relationship with abah?

Mama : When I was 16, and abah was 2o++....

Me : Mama, when did you marry abah?

Mama : When I was 22, and abah was 29. A bachelor of 30, at that time surely will be laughed at, if they are still not settled down.

Me : Oh, you are soooo young.


Me : Mama, I like this guy. But I know he never like me. (laugh)

Mama : Why? ( plastic smile)

Me : I just know it. But we never talk. He is the type of guy who never made an effort to talk to any stranger (boys are exception)

Mama : Okay. Take care.

I guess mama is speechless.
Fuh, and he is the first guy, I had mentioned "name" to mama. Even his name is rather empty,as though it had detached itself from him. *Wink wink wink*

" I believe in fairy tale. We don't need to talk too often, or seeing each other too soon, as long as I know who will be the prince. But will you be the one?"

I don't have the answer (yet)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


After test math, of Pojie and Jemmy
A shot!

Girls and basketballs
The time we shared together
The smile we enjoyed together

The drug I never fail to swollen - volleyball
And tho, the girl behind the camera.

And in every picture, there is an unreadable poem.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

feel like dying

Yesterday was a tough day.

Not once, nor twice but three times, I went to toilet.
And expel everything in my stomach.

Rice,milo, euuuuhhhh, name it. All the food that I thought being well digested were force to leave my body. Vomiting non stop for the past few hours.

Trust me, it was suffocated. :'(

Funny part was when I got treatment from the nearby clinic. And the doctor was about to explain about

" ...well, you got gastritis. Ermm, our stomach will continuously produce HCL. If there is no food inside, then your lining of stomach....."

Yeah, I was about to interrupt, actually this is the exact topic was given to me, to be presented during Biology class. Yet, I was too weak to even utter a single word.

He didn't finish yet,
" Btw, please eat according to your timetable. I knew college student like you all aaaa, love to hang up and go out around 12 am to the nearby restaurant to have your dinner. And you might undergo the unhealthy diet. "

I rolled my eyes. As big as I can. This skinny girl was executed of having an unhealthy diet.

HEllo? KMB? 12 am? Are you serious we can go out that late. And diet?
That the most exhilarating part, I even being called as dustbin by my clique. Dustbin as if, you passed any food to me. Surely, I'll finish them.

Million thanks to mama,
who send me to nearby clinic, who stay up late night just to make sure I am in good condition and cooked me those delicious porridge. I love mama!

To abah,
million thanks for being sooooo caring. I counted, it was more than 20 times, Abah back and forth from living room to my room, just to update himself with my condition. I love abah!

To Liah,
I know you hate doing the chores alone when I was around, Thanks for taking my part too. I love you sis!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Where the heart is?

Home, Yup.

Kota Kinabalu, exactly!

Last night was an awesome journey I ever had.

Who said 9A and 9B (seat in flight) have nothing in common?. It was an honest mistake, when I accidentally took a wrong seat. Fortunately, ah moi (a Chinese girl) beside me did the same mistake.

Quickly, both of us move forward after the steward asked for my boarding pass, and pointed at our real seat. And that is how our friendship started.

Apparently, “the girl” is a music teacher. And guess what, she is way younger than her real age! I even had mistaken her for a degree student.

The skin colour might be different, so do our culture. But the point of intersection we can note between us, is WE LOVE SABAH so much, even though her hometown is in Penang.

Some people thought that Sabah is a state which the people are left behind from the fast moving urbanization. The technology is slowly develop, if there existing of skyscraper or mall or shopping complex is way toooo good for state like Sabah. And the people are not really civilized, and uneducated. That is the typical perception being thrown every time people mention about Sabah. Worst than that, “ Sabahan still live in the tree house? Like having a small hut on the tree branch? Like Tarzan and Jane?

Last time I would curse those people right away for their narrow-minded thought. But I won’t do that now. I would just stare and plaster a smile on my face. I had been travelling quite sometimes, and I had been in most state in Malaysia. And people, do the talking after you done with travelling.

Even KK is not as big as KL, I am proud being a Sabahan, it is not intention to brag about how amazing Sabah is, but sometimes I can’t stand on “those” people.

The fresh air

The clear crystal sea

Manukan Island, Sipadan Island and Tunku Abdul Rahman Island

Mount Kinabalu

The freezing moment in Ranau and Kundasang

The community which blend together regardless of your race

is nowhere to be found but in Sabah.

p/s Christine, do contact me soon.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

When the day starts with the ticking of rain droplets..

It is raining. Yes. Life is a challenge. Yes.

For the past 3 days, I couldn't wake up at 3 am as usual. I end up looking shockingly at my mobile phone, when it states 6.00am. Aiyoooo

Chemistry HL. Vague, I guess. Once Sha passed the paper to me, I feel like carry the weight of the world. Sigh, I was too shy to even looked at Sir F. I know how he felt to mark our class’s paper. The unspoken language in his eyes told me that he is way too disappointed with our result, mine is not an exception.

Yesterday was a long day, and I was too tired. Emotionally drained. I don’t understand why sometimes people can’t get things done in a more subtle way. Hell, I am not making excuses yet please be considerate. There are things can be settled via slow talk. Do listen to explanation. The bullets from wailing, yelling or even worst, the cursing stab my heart. Honestly speaking, it hurted me. You did it. Thanks for that.

And the last part was the legend-fun paper ever, sitting for Math Paper 2. Need to say more?

Today is a different day, the sunshine brighten my morning. Singing happily, I accidently met LALA at coop. Oh My, I was walking ( with Dinie) in front of HIM. Panic attacking myself, did my combination colour of baju kurung and scarf is matching?, Did my eye bag is too obvious?, how about my pale skin colour?. Sigh. Typical girl.

Smile plastered widely on my face until I reached at M09U. This is the moment where Sha blurted out the “ things”.

“ Jem, did you know LALA....... last night..........”.

Hahahahaha, kantoi.

Why? Pojie is there, popping his ears to our conservation. Girls-conservation. Well, he is always there when we ( girls) talking about girly stuff. Yap, girly stuff including the latest shawl, cardigan or fashion, hottest movies, Beastly, or Too phat with the rapping session, and B. Don’t get this wrong, we are not the drama-all-the-time group. No mocking, no bad talking, no miming others and we won’t even care what you guys are doing, unless people step beyond our ermmmm the line, I guess.

And Pojie always have the sixth sense, being a lucky guy who held the key to most of our ultimate “secret”. Dush, it’s pojie by the way.

In the afternoon, is when I realized that my mind tricked me, (by telling how easy the Paper 1 Math the other day) and the result was AAAAAHHHHHHH.

It is bitter- SWEET.


But, English paper never fails to make me ecstatic. Alhamdulilah. Ironically, when you thought you wee doing bad in your exam, it turns out to be ermmm the excellent one. I never expect to get that relatively ‘high’ mark for essay paper 1, since Miss N did not split anything regarding the test. The moment we know that we have to do an essay-real-exam question was when she stepped up inside our class. As expected everyone was about to do the jaw-dropping act. We are not prepared, mentally and physically.

Note to myself :

Expect the unexpected.

You will never kn0w when Allah want to fulfil your request/dream/ or ambition. Be grateful, for want you have now.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Paralyzing thought

When you had actually left all the mess behind, sometimes it comes back in a motion. Playing it all over again like a tape in your mind and you are actually trying hard to push the ‘STOP’ button, and then you realize that you ain’t dreaming. Looking from the window – your very own eyes, caught the glimpse of the real figure standing across the building. REAL PERSON.

Hey you. Not literally said it.

Funny enough, I bid HEY TO GOODBYE.

If your upbeat attitude once caught my heart in. And the respect you successfully gained long time ago. It doesn’t mean everything is going to be fine now. Cause it was only there, and only then.

Like what I had mention to BELLA,

“I suggest you (he) leave. I'm the only one who remembers why you were withdrew at the first place”

NO more us, not now, nor never. Let’s not do it again.

And worry no more, I won’t let the LOVE shut down. No, I am not that cold, sad person. But I had the final nail for your coffin, making sure that you will be buried deep down. In a place called my HEART. BYE.

Friday, March 4, 2011


She is sleeping, right beside me. The lines on her face, remind me those days which she fought hard to raise me up. Mama, thank you for everything.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

It is still beating

Walking with the figure you are always look up for is always the best antidote to an empty heart. It makes everything that's hurt feel a lot better.. even the heart. Ironically, euphoria stricken.


Ya Allah, no person is ever worth questioning the silver lining revolves around the clouds.
Blessed her. Ya Allah, please let the pain she feels linger ,won't exceed her capability. Ameen.