Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm on rehab

I know I'll regret typing this right now but I just can't fight it no more. Sometimes the urge is too potent, too strong, forcing me down to my knees, waving off the white flag.
Arghhh. If there is a word that I loathed so much, I could spell it right now, is ATTACHMENT.

It got me a lot back in my good old days - yes, I'm tracking down on my memory lanes. - for nothing.

I lied.

Because I prefer to pick novels over movies, doesn't mean I can fully resist the temptation. Oh God, my head is going to crack in any time, after 2 days in a row, staying awake the whole night watching Vampires Diaries, back-to-back, ................ and pathetically, I had no control over myself. Ignoring the fact that I had class on tomorrow's morning , been escaping a lecture class to recharge myself - a wrong move.

When I lost my phones, twice. I don't really made a big fuss about it. I feel nothing, it's empty. But it doesn't mean I'm a rich kiddo, the one who can get her wish granted from Mr. Aladdin. I don't get myself a replacement easily, I ain't that well ... berada/kaya.
Yes, there was a little pain, panic and provoke my heart to sink, yet in the most superficial way. My nature, nope. I don't do searching ( after the) thing I had lost.

When it lost, it means it doesn't belong to me. It WASN'T mine any more. I'll set it free.
same goes when it comes to, people.

See, losing won't blow off your mind, without it- ATTACHMENT.

p/s am on rehab! I'm fighting against my inner self. Trying hard not to make fool of myself.

Friday, January 27, 2012

of them

Lovable cards from my beautiful girls.

spot the friendship bracelet

A travel destination that reminds me of someone.

A new collection of postcard on the blue board

and melodious Full House, limited edition.

To the people who understand my language, who bear with my attitude, who fathom it out.

A bunch of people who shared their rupees - for the sake of me. A gift , a replacement – an incredibly new phone, so I won’t miss any birthday party anymore. So I won’t go anywhere- unnoticed.

A bunch of people who collected some euros during their winter break , and letting the parcel travelled through the air. Reaching upon me, leaving me speechless, breathless.

A circle of girls, who spread the love during the twilight. Words of religion, grasp on the fine print of holy papers to feed my inner soul.

A group of them, boycotting my birthday, telling others not to drop any wish up until the sun lose its shine. Surprise came, with a cake on a roll, and uploading the most inappopriate video of the year.

Those people, who help me to get back on my feet, sending positive vibes from the different land. Save me from precarious situation, pushing me to the limit, to make a great leap.

Lastly, for those who remember me in their prayer. Even the world can’t buy that.

I humbly say, Thank you, my friends! Of same or different continent, of different hues, who cares? Love just need to spread its wing, to hug the whole world, embrace with all it takes.

Monday, January 16, 2012

-If only silence has a voice -

My eyes are about to shut, but my mind is stubbornly wide awake. I can’t help it, the blame is on me, to bravely consume a glass of white coffee, to ignore the undeniable reaction on my body. My hands are cold, so does my soles, and soul in particular. I get myself a cup of oat, in hoping that I will drift off to sleep.


Directly after the class ended today, 540pm, I rushed back to my room and switched on my laptop. My parents were eagerly waiting, looking forward to see me, virtually. My mom was happy to see her daughter is in fit-shaped, no pale face with a warm-brace-smile. Qaseh (my neighbor) and Aiman (my cousin) were there too, sitting on my dad’s lappy, keep on waving their hands mumbling “hye kak ija”, “bye”.. and interrupting our conversation. They are cute, as always, how I which I could hold them right now….

The conversation went on and on, basically reminding me, of study hard to conquer the exam. To inspire me, to re-projecting ideas on my mind and to express their love. Well, parents did that all the time. They are caring, super caring. The duration was about 1-1.5 hours, before I ended the call.

Few hours later, I was on skype with Muna, and she did ask me “ Sha told me, there was a suicide case in your CAMPUS, it is so?…”

Yes, and no. A local Indian body was found not exactly in the campus but in the Boy’s Hostel 3 days after the estimated time of death. But to be honest I don’t know the exact reason, that poking hard, causing the poor boy to put an end of his life, and I do feel bad talking about it, either. But, in real life, I know coincidence didn’t exist. I bet everything happens with a concrete reason, that sometimes beyond our capabilities to think about, to investigate or to dig deeper to the root of the sources.

I bet most of us had watched 3 Idiots, do you guys see how hardworking and dedicated the students were?. They were trying hard enough to master everything from A to Z, mainly because the burden of improving the economic status of their family. Well, that’s maybe 1 point I can think of right now. And when things didn’t come in their expecting way, they were so disappointed that they thought the button ‘HOPE’ is switched off, forever.

I put a status regarding this on my Facebook. Somehow, under the greatest pressure, people tend to lose control. People are unable to judge properly, they didn’t know why things get twisted or turned haywire, or how steep the fall. They only interested to see a way out of the pain, alive-or dead. And tragedy is about to strike… I was captivated with Afiqah’s comment. She had made a distinct point,

Remind the people that they are loved, and worth living. I know it is not exactly the words she had put in, but the message is clear. Clouded with emotional-engaging problems, this people need to be told they are loved! They are worth having. They are smart. They have others a place to rely on. They are not a cluster of negative figures she/he imagined of. And most important in every disease, there are cures. Even if it didn’t work, magic will take over. Who is more powerful than God? No one. That’s divine love.

Simply because word fails, the circumstances were standing on the wrong side. After reflect upon what happened in my area, I do think people should say it (‘Love’ ) loudly, or show it to the person you’re really care of. However, I’m not promoting any “lovey-dovey” message here, you could be helpless romantic in your very own ways, and I know people are smart to distinguish the ‘LOVE’ I’m talking about (there are many types of love anyway) BUt, my intention is to stress on a point that ;

Words could save, or kill.

- Say it, Show it, before it’s too late-

Thursday, January 12, 2012

No pain, No gain.

If you felt the pain around your kidney - you're done with jogging. Pain in your arm - you were good in volley, ache around your little finger - you just learned tricked in basketball. muscle cramps- you are a futsal starter. im a defender. last man standing. errr last girl standing.

Alhamdulilah. After all the ups and down, I finally get my spirit back. This is a point, where progression and skills is fixed slightly above the zero level. I had no idea how game will look like, but I'm sure I'm will fully utilized the 2nd chance given. Common Antarctic, show the ocean, who's the captain. :)

p/s : I kinda love my position. A defender. A goal protector.

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Today our usrah was hillarious. It was funny because Fariza was non stop complaining about her empty stomach, while the rest tried to persuade her that it's all right. Ru Z was volunteered to cook her a meal, since Fariza had missed her lunch, but she kinda refused it. Syikin came a bottle of delicious juice,- which are meant to be shared to everyone, while the late comer- Wani, entered the room with a cool astrounout-like-jacket. After everyone is settled, Khairunissa started the usrah wilth ummul kittab Al Fatihah. Oh ya before that, Harisa went on asking everyone anything we wanna had felt all along the week.

And the details of heart-to-heart sessions are dead secrets. :P

We went on read&revised surah An- Nas, and I was mesmerized with the last 2 verses,

" Those who instill evil thoughts into the hearts of men" (114 : 5)
" Among the jinns and men " (114 : 6)

I guess we're all memorized and familiar with this ayah.Since we were young, muqaddam is a holy book we brought to mosque, after careful took 'wudu', with our crawling tajweed, of twisting tongue we learnt to recite this surah. And yes, this surah is famous in our solah.
But today was little different. When Khairunnisa mentioned about the evil thoughts are widespread not only by themselves, yet through their agents - men. Astagfirllah alazim. I'm not saying I am good, but look upon myself, what if I am one of the spreader?

We spread bad words - thats 'backbiting' and we spread the untrue stories- that is 'fitnah'.

I see that, life can be magnificent and overwhelming but what if- we had planted too much love in dunya that we forget about the hereafter? We get too scared of death but it is the plain truth that it is NEAREST thing to us?. We know that evils are liars but we got hypnotized with their fake promises. We tend to hate our muslim's friends yet they are our siblings. Too easy to forget we were generation of ADAM A.s?.

“Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you:
envy and hatred.

And hatred is the thing that shapes. I do not say it shapes the hair but it shapes the religion.
By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another.
Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves.”

[Recorded by Imam Ahmad & Al-Tirmidhi]

Please purify our hearts Ya ALLAH. :)
p/s I love Harisah, Khairunissa,Fariza Ru Z, Syikin and Wani.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

what did you do ....

....when the whole world is against you?


Mini pocket definition :-

Backbiting - You're talking bad things about others at their back. Some 'things' might be just a plain fact to you but, let's imagine you're talking that 'things' in front of her/him, if it enough to initiate her/his anger, then STOP.

Backstabbing - It sounds more intense and crueler than the previous one, but this is
the most common one. Why ? That person is your own friends/family or even teachers?.

If you have nothing to say, maybe silent will do the favour?

Spread the love. I love my families, my friends and my lecturers.