Heed my words Pro, we will bring you down. We, 83 soldiers will do whatever it takes to win this battle, alive!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
I was in a house with a group of toddlers and a teacher. We were discussing about a subject - I never heard before. Suddenly everyone rushed towards the store room and locked themselves - including the teacher.
Not knowing what was going on, I stood steadily outside the store room and began to untie the knots of confusion inside me.
Before I could tell, I knocked the store room and asked to join the group. Shockingly, the teacher shaken her head and said,
" You can handle this yourself". and locked the door.
I don't know what to do, or to say but my eyes wildly observed my surrounding. Ah, the setting was in a kitchen. Slowly, I walked towards one corner and remained silent.
To my surprise, I saw a black cat with a fluorescent eyes on the table - it was looking at me and smile.
Not long after that, a girl came into the kitchen. Her body was shaking as if the world is going down, vigorously, she got down to her knee and transformed into a snake
In a blink of an eye, the snake and the cat put off their cast, and become 2 ladies. They are right in front of me, and one of them - The snake, approached me and held my hands.
She said, " Don't be afraid, come to my world.."
That is goosebumps! I kept on muttering some ayahs that probably could save me from the illusion of shatan.
Oh God, help me.
Not long after that, another woman appeared, and started to whisper to my ears. I could not remembered the details but the words she was telling me - was taken from the Holy Book. I followed my instinct and repeated the words after her.
I can no longer hold myself, so I thought, I screamed " This is only a dream"
And I woke up. It was 5pm and the nightmare had gotten me earlier that it should be. I don't know what thats means.
Maybe it could be something. or Maybe that is only the game of illusion. Whatever it is, I'm so thankful for the gift. The gift - the ability to pull myself back to the real world and leave the fantasy dream behind.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I feel uneasy lately. It is not that I'm sicked or stressed out for my final. That feeling comes again. Emptiness inside my heart. They say if you feel Allah in your heart, then that would be enough, as if I have everything.
But I'm in not at that level. Maybe, my journey is far ahead before I could really 'feel' it.
Can I really mask this sadness?
I'm really tired of crying. When I was younger, I'm this bad tempered girl that would throw tantrum to anyone I like. I always fight hard to get what I want the most, but I grow up to be this fragile girl.
Thanks to my high school. They really thought me to consider others feeling, to serve them, to make them happy - even it is means, to ignore yours.
But, at this moment, if I explode I would just cry my heart out. Furthermore, I'm powerless, my body had restrained itself from wailing, screaming or even crushing people.
Oh, I feel pathetic.
Because I am.
Dear bloggy, can you find my thing for me? I kinda lost it. I lost the most precious belonging I ever posses. I lost my SPIRIT.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
So the toughest moment had passed. My mother had successfully undergone her breast cancer surgery, for the 2nd time. I remembered the last time I had this anxiety inside of me. I can't sleep tho my final was just around the corner.
Crying all alone until 4 am, because I was just too worried. Alhamdulilah, Allah had helped her again.
Not to mention, in this life, success doesn't always define your own happiness. Squatting in the loo, letting all the tears streaming down my cheeks, I prayed to Allah,
" I don't really mind if I do not get the so-called-distinction for my final, or if I just pass the exam with average marks, please protect her ya Allah. I really hope my mama is still alive. Of course, I can't imagine the otherwise. I really want to fast together, so I can kiss her hands, hold her tight and celebrate Raya for this year"
And HIS POWER is unbeatable. I trade my result for her well life. For that reason alone, for a daughter that cares, it is worth it. No question, the benefit is beyond the cost put on my shoulder.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Now, I'm having my microbiology classes. It was extremely interesting! My Prof said, wrote a minute 'dot' on a paper, and divided that into 1000 times. And that is the size of virus, subhannallah how small the creatures are. They are about 20-300 nm. During the journey to learn this block, I feel like discovering and unrevealing a new world. The unseen world.
The more I learn, the more humble I become. Allah the Al-Mighty has the created different world for us to think, to be vigilant that world we live in, is merely - temporary. Nothing stay forever.
Yesterday, Joanna leave Belgaum. Joanna, a surgeon/ researcher who comes to India just for collecting data for her project paper in KLE University. Oh ya, Joanna is from Northern England, and definitely with a heavy British-accent. No doubt, I love that accent.
I didn't really close to her, but as far as I remembered, we used to sit in the same table at the Mess during lunch and mostly- dinner. We exchanged our stories, and most likely everyday conversation will turn up like this,
" How was your day? "
" I'm quite busy. I skipped my lunch".
"The patients are waiting for me, I shall go now"
Sometimes I feel it was superficial conversation, but what else do you really need to ask? . I am busy so do her. I wonder it is the same conversation I would have with my family once I get the "Dr" title. I hope not, that would make a terrible wife, and mother too.
So, back to Joanna story, she gave me 2 pens - with United Kingdom's flag picture surround the shaft of the pen. It was so nice of her, because that simple gifts really fire me up. It motivates me to work harder for my Pro Examination ( which is just less than a month to go ) and pamper myself to Eire and UK next Feb!
I know most people said, the holiday is too short to really enjoy the trip. But for me, I really want to go, regardless any conditions. I have my friends all over the states and I would surely enjoy my holiday. And about the how expensive the ticket could be, I really think that I deserved that.
It was my money I'm been saving for few months that I would finally spend on the thing I love the most. People, we have different stand, and I won't bow down simply like that.
I have wish lists which are meant to be ticked, and dreams meant to be grabbed. And it is mine and it will be never yours. I stand with my dreams, and InsyALLAH this will keep me going. To Eire, To UK , and to fight the Pro! - that the price I'll pay.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Fuh, the Pharmacology Block has ended, I mean the test. Its kinda funny, how I've tried so hard to remember the name of the drugs, the route, absorption and I hold my breath for a second, and wondered " What is the name of the first drug again?"
I really really need a partner in studying. I love study group, even though it is kinda tiring to open up your mouth and explained it to your partners but it is so worthy when you can easily recall them in your exam. Like last night, I was in Darina's room and taught her about Free Radical and Antioxidant. Poor her, she had to skip the classes because her stomach still didn't manage to be well adapted to our MESS food. So, I offered myself to be her teacher for that night.
Not the entire night, because I felt asleep after 1/ 1/2 hours after that while she is still studying.
Oh ya, I really really happy when Fi gave me a message on facebook that she passed her 1st year. Without a second thought, I tried to call her on skype. I was screaming " CONGRATULATIONS" when she barely hear me. =.='. I felt so retarded.
So, I had a brief chat with her instead of phoning. I miss her so much, can't wait to go back to Malaysia to celebrate this. Opss, I forget my turn hasn't come. My exam is yet to come. Dear reader, please pray for me :)
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Don't look back in anger. Yesterday, I commented one of Karl's status without any intention, to condemn or to gave bad remark etc. To me, it was just a plain 'hey-bro-get a life' kinda words, when somebody replied in such a way, that can provoke me.
Honestly, I was shocked. I had put the past behind, and really move on with my own life. Supposedly, the question of jealously will never arise. For whatever life he had now, it is none of my business.
The old me will surely condemned those harsh words, put up an argument until I think I can win the conversation. The old me will never stop to twist thing until I get what I wanted and let the victory in my side.
But, there is no way I want to do that now. I was looking at those words, staring at the laptop and thinking how immature the person is, at the same time, reflected back, how immature I was.
I didn't reply anything. I had no intention to fight over those miscellaneous thing in my life. As I grow older, I realize fighting over small unnecessary thing like that, will only drain my energy, blacken my heart.
I open up my heart. Learning to accept, that not everyone will please me. Even I could not afford to please everyone in this world.
By the way, I called my dad 3 days ago, he said he wanted to buy me a new handphone, since I lost one. I mean I had lost my phone twice, and the only phone I have now, is the gift from my beloved friends.
To his surprise, I say NO. I don't think I want any gadget anymore. And even if I do, I would love to save my allowance and buy it with my effort. Like what I did last Assessment. I promised to myself, to buy a new Roxy backpack, if my grade is B+ or better. And, alhamdulilah, I've an A-. Obviously, my parents didn't really care what grade I obtained, they just wanna make sure, I'll pass.
The next day, I called my mother, and told her about handphone. Let call it is equal, because my dad is ahead than me, when my mom said he was actually planning to buy me an I phone! It is a sweet surprise. Well nowdays, people would say, Iphone isn't a big thing anymore, everyone has tabs, samsung galaxy, HTC , etc. But to me, Iphone is still a WOW! I'm not a rich girl, who could effrot such sophisticated phone in a day.
But, as I said, I don't want any kind of phone. I'm happy to be phoneless, I pay undivided attention in the class, I read my notes instead of browsing net during my study time, I didn't easily get burst in my twitter,( maybe I did but not that often). I'm truly happy now.
Talking about my phone, I forget to charge it. I really really did abundant it. I'm sorry.
That's all. I should sleep now, all alone. My roomate went back home - KL to attend her sis's wedding. How cool. Bye! Good night!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
"Sunday is your "off "day right?" Marianne asked me. Oh Marianne is a researcher from Denmark, she will be staying here for about 2 months. The answer to that question is - a nod.
Marianne told me back in Denmark, people had different working patterns. They will divide the time into two half, - working time and pleasure time. And pleasure time is really important to them. But, when it comes to work, they will be so productive. Even his boss, who is an Indian said, the people of Denmark work so effectively during the day compared for those who eagerly to work until late night.
That is really interesting, because here, I saw the students will devote their time fully for the study, especially the local students. They are super duper "addicted" to study. Sometimes, I will find myself stumbled upon them when they were walking around, memorizing the textbooks or notes. That was impressive.
But I guess Marianne is right. Why don't I really focus during my study time? And had the Sunday off all by myself. Will see about that. I hope it will really works!