Monday, August 29, 2011


The moment I press 'send', I'm prepared to be rejected.

The moment I took off the first layer of double-tape, and folded the upper part of the envelope, I'm prepared to be rejected.

I wasn't a somebody. I'm just JAMARIAH. or jemz. or Mariah. meet me, but one thing I knew, I am willing to fight to get what I want.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The story of heart and liver.

Last night I went to DR. Ahmad’s clinic, he is more than a family doctor to me. He is like a councillor, the one who always boost my motivation to chase after my dream, to be a doctor.

So basically I need to take the 3rd shot of hepatitis B. The 1st shot was taken 7 months ago, while the 2nd shot was taken 1 month after that. Dr. Saaidah, our college/IB coordinator had email us regarding this shot, that is necessary to be taken by ALL MEDIC students. At first I was confused, because I thought this shot is compulsory to all students who are about to fly aboard – to prevent from infectious disease. But my fellow engineering friends need not to take them.

So, I just let my confusion lingers in the air, until last night.

Me : Why we need to take this shot?

Dr. A : Well, as the medical student, you’ll exposed to bacteria, gems and virus, or common disease from the patient. Prevention is better than cure right?

Me: Owh. Okay. (Avoid seeing my upper arm, yet I can still feel the pain under the skin as the needle poke slowly). So, err ‘hepa’ is heart right?

Dr. A : Nope. Hepa is liver.

Me : yes. I mean, liver. ( HATI (in Malay) is liver. Then, Jantung (in Malay) is heart) )

Dr. A : The word ‘hepa’ is derived from American Latin which means liver. And titis, anything end with ‘titis’ means inflammation or disease. These words are from American Latin. So HEPA-TITIS is liver disease,

Me : penyakit hati!

Dr. A : Yeah you got it right.

Ironically, we might talk about the same thing, at the same time, but from a very different view. While he explained ‘HEPATITIS’ , my mind keep digesting it as LIVER DISEASE. I’m not bluffing, I was thinking about the HEART disease.

Actually, it was ‘liver disease’.

****** Okay, I’m getting confused here ************

Firstly, I’m not a pious girl, but I remembered during the Islamic Education’s class, my USTAZ once told us,

“ There is one essential part of the human’s body. If it’s pure, then the rest of body will be fine- and the organ is HEART”

Rasul Allah (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound
and if it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt, and hearken it is the heart."

[Sahih Muslim]

( source :

“ Every sin that you commit will leave a black mark/ dot in your heart. Sooner or later, your heart will be dark as pitch-black, and that will definitely explained your rebellious/barbaric/ mean attitude.”

Have you ever heard that, “It is not the colour of your skin, or your body size, or your maybe your height that define who you are. But your HEART is. ”

Well, maybe that’s explained how the ‘KIND-HEARTED’ word is derived.

I been thinking for a couple of days, what is the colour of my heart? Is it white- pure? Or maybe it is as dark as charcoal?

Or, just assume it will be in between, my heart is GREY. And I realize, assumption kill!

One of the top factors of this disease is a stubborn virus - GOSSIP.

Being a girl, you can’t help listening to all the gossips, almost every day. The girl next door having baby outside marriage, mr. Z is a failure boy, he can’t afford to find any job and now his parent need to pay his loan (PTPTN), She might looks nice in the outside, but surprisingly she practised black magic and injected ‘susuk’ , His father is Dato’, no wonder he won the competition, and the list goes on and on and on. Correction, it is applied to boys as well, so being a HUMAN, sounds better.

It’s eerie to know that, not only the lips- that utter the words, will be judged in the Judgement Day. So does the ears that do the listening part. At times I feel like running milestone when this kind of conservation started. Especially when I listen it from my mother, my teacher or grandmother or just family members, I will try to defend that persons ( if I know them) or I will just start to run a new topic, make random compliments or ask stupid questions to distract the main storyline.

And sometimes I just get carried away with the conversation. Or be the one who started it, ( I admit it)

I just knew that this exposure of news make me closer to feel insecure. Imagine you heard about bad news from different sources, and one day, the sun didn’t brighten your day as you want it to be, engulf by the solemn clouds, you know that the time had come, and when tickle of rains start to fall off, the first thing popped up in your mind will be


It ain’t fun. Because some people are brave and blunt at the same time, make nasty comment right to your face. You have no choice but to swallow the words, bit by bit.

And to some, they are sensitive about it or cowardly gossip about it behind YOUR back, which was, WORST.

And I don’t think 3rd shot is enough to prevent this disease. HEPATITIS can be blocked before spread to the rest of the body but HEART DISEASE is like a contagious long-life sickness. We pick up the virus anytime, anywhere. Yup, the one to be blamed – the words.

Pick the right words, do the second thought before deliver them, verbally.

Apart from that, a practical solution to re-whitening the heart, making it crystal clear is ,

"A great amount of remembrance of death and recitation of the Qur'an." [Tirmidhi].

(source :

Finally, just make sure the heart is in good condition, physically and spiritually. :D

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

not cool okay.

I don't care whether you're a biatch or a plain good girl. Just, don't mess with people's husband. When the tables were turned, and karma hit you, it ain't cool no more, right ?

Monday, August 22, 2011

To love is to understand and compromise

“Don’t ruin the future because of your past. It is so not worthy – Jamariah ”

So, I decided not to wallow in self-pity, and I need to move on. Even it is so hard, like a tied-bricks on my feet, I need to MOVE ON.

So, I made a list and wrote down the pros and cons. It is sort of scribble of my own thought, in a A4 paper. It looks like this ;



It is a new university; I get to stay in a sophisticated building, which it’s far better than staying in most of government hostels in Malaysia. The rent is dirty cheap tho’, less than RM200 per month, for a master-room size (I assume it when I saw the pictures) equipped with a toilet +heater.

It is INDIA. Bear in mind, inside the hostels and campus area might appeared clean and hygiene. But, outside? Well, I got to wait and see, how true the rumours can be. Plus I have sensitive skin ( I cannot sweep the floor), allergic to dusts (sinus), easily affected by miscellaneous ‘organisms’ causing me fever, or headache, or flu or cough especially as pollution gets more and more rampant.

Solution : I wanna buy air purifier and vacuum, and put it in my room. Get tonnes of masks and gloves, during the BAD days.

I will graduate with a MD (Medical Degree), after a fight with Cikgu Nik, I want to highlight that MBBS is equivalent to MD. The only difference is MBBS is a UK degree while MD followed US style. ( Like A level and IB). Plus, Jawaharlal Nehru is a renowned college/uni in India, as well as in Malaysia. At least, Malaysia medical doctor association recognized it, so there will be no one can question my degree in the future. Plus, it is 100% USM syllabus which I considered myself as lucky as the fact that, it is hard to get into government medical school in Malaysia.

There will be no INTERNATIONAL STUDENTs apart from the local ( Indians) in the university. So hell yeah, we are all MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. No variety. What the purposed of study oversea, again?

And everyone end up with medicine, or dentistry course. We gonna talk about MEDICAL stuff most of the time. Or test. Or cadaver. Or classes. To be true, I find people with different course (like engineering) are far more interesting. They give wider perspective of an issue that make me think beyond the norm. Their thoughts, or shares, or just jokes keep me going, and usually make me feel ‘ NORMAL’.

Solution : No solution. The only choice I have is to mix with the local.( Will do).

Be creative. Be interesting. Oh yeah, I easily get bored with something/someone. Turn me on, please ;P

Currency. RM 1= INR 13.8.

Heaven? I know. If I’m not mistaken, I will be given traveller cheque for 6 months in advance. So, after done with the easy MATHEMATICS calculation, my allowance will be USD500 per month. Equivalent to PLUS MINUS RM1500 ( RM 1 = USD 2.9) .

My expenses for a month :

1) Rent = apprx. RM200

2) Food (MESS)= Will be covered by MARA

3) Miscellaneous = RM XXX

4) Books= Refer to books allowance

5) Electrical Appliances = Refer to electrical appliances allowance.

So, RM 1500 – RM200 = RM1300. Minus all the miscellaneous thingy, I know I can save up to RM500. :D

It is quite a lot, so I can use them to travel around INDIA with Maya, Ju, Deebs, Anis, and Fazmi Doraemon.

Milo is rare. It is damn expensive ( refer to Zarena Belle who currently study @ MSU, india). Magee is ‘sedap’ no more, no kicap. Be careful if I wanna eat outside, or else I end up spending the whole of the day inside the loo. Hygiene is the main issue, which hardly to be controlled. I am not in Malaysia, where I can file a complaint or let the authorities take legal action against the owner of the stall/restaurant.

Solution: Bring lots of stock. For sure. And mama asked me to bring along the rice cooker and water heater. Drink clean water. Cook if I can, especially in Saturday’s night ( MESS, the cafĂ© that supplied us with the luxurious food will be closed). Buy fresh raw meats, or vegetables. Clean them thoroughly. So, anyone who good in cooking, kindly be my roommate please? Haha.

Travel around INDIA, leave a mark in Taj Mahal Area. Visit nearby countries like Egypt – for pyramids-seeing, Hong Kong (Disneyland) and my favourite honeymoon spot - MALDIVES (must go!!)

Unhealthy diet will lead me nowhere but hospital. This situation will occur, only and only if I wanna save up and travel to Europe and US. It will consume lots of money which I think I can’t afford. Despite of the declination currency of US Dollar, Indian Rupee still won’t able to beat that.

L Goodbye Olympic 2012. But I’ll try to save for Ireland. Can’t wait to see my other classmates, which will be studying in National University of Galway. Proud of you guys :D

Solution : Go with the flow. Dive but don’t get drown.

Thank you Allah for keep me awake during the graduation day. I can still hear the voice in my head,

“ Malaysia needs more economist, entrepreneurs, engineering in Technology and specialist doctor in the future ”- quoted by Ketua Pengarah MARA, YB Datuk Ibrahim in PICC, 6th August 2011. And he adds “ MARA willing to offer scholarship for those who are interested in that field”.

Can you spot the opportunity? Yes. I’ll continue my study until I became a specialist. There are 2 universities that caught my attention so far – Uni of Cardiff, Uk and Uni of John Hopkin, US.


1) According to Uncle Osman ( Safo’s father), they are many Indians in Cardiff. J

2) As I learnt in Business Class, most US companies placed their operator line in India. They trained the Indians to speak fluently like them to do the job. India is known for the low labor supply, so America companies seized this opportunity to cut cost, which eventually will increase their revenue. In my opinion, they are more business relationship going on between these countries.

However, the requirement for postgraduate is quit high. I must obtain at least, 1st class upper to secure the place. Then again, I do not know, if they will recognize USM graduates. Unlike UM, which is a worldwide known, I still have doubt about this.

There will be a lot of tiring procedures to endure with, such as medical examinations, obtaining recommended letters, and interviews.

Solution : If you dare to dream, you must dare to keep it real. I just love this quote. Be creative about the visualisation.

My drugs- volleyball and basketball. Well, being the captain and share the tears and laughter is one of the most enjoyable moments in my life. I won’t give up that easy. I still want to be an International Player. Twist ( currently study at Manipal) told me there will be a volleyball tournament in Manipal College on December. LAGENDA – the name of the programme, which organized by Malaysian Student Association, provided many games to be won ,Malaysian foods to be sold and cultural performances to be performed on that week.

Not to forget volleyball requires members of 7 girls. I’m not going to play alone.

Solution: Work out. Find members. I love getting my hands dirty, my body stinky and beat of sweats running through my face to prove I have what it takes to win over the championship. So do contact me if anyone interested to play.

Well I’m glad I could apply the business technique, to list the pro and con, and calculated the move, to weight whether it is a wise step or not. I believe in analytical personality will go far if I set my mind on it. Alhamdulilah I got 7 for business, I should be an entrepreneur then :D

I hope this is final and my next 5 years will be memorable.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Miss take

The biggest mistake by most human beings, ''listening half, understanding quarter, telling double''- aishah masika

Monday, August 15, 2011


" Don't simply throw your heart out there, just like it's fish bait. " - 17mag.

Because when someone get hooked, and bleed. There is nothing you can do, because a lesson is learned but the damage is irreversible.

Friday, August 12, 2011

For Asyraf, For Palestinian people

Millions feel for Asyraf – headline for Star newspaper today.

“ Asyraf- a Malaysian student who currently study in Kaplan University, London being attacked by a group of 20 people in his way to iftar ( break fast). His bicycle was taken away by one of them, so did his PSP and hand phone. Not just that, he had to undergo jaw corrective surgery after being hit by the scum” – this is my summary over some articles I‘ve read in newspaper and internet.

It was amazing to know a fellow has created a Facebook fan page for him, where people have the opportunity to like the page, and showered him with millions of prayers and good wishes. Most of the British people apologized for the uncivilized action made by few scum, and stated that they are actually more decent British people in UK .

Blessing in disguise: There are many parties willing to sponsor him, like the local party is readily bought the flight tickets for his family, some might sponsored his medical expenses, and a British company is giving away a new bicycle- to replace the old one. And people keep the donation coming.

When people described this is indecent behaviour, barbaric, inhumane, I would like to know what words are going to slip off their mouth when they get to know the truth of Palestine? If bleeding mouth that cost him a jaw surgery can be hottest title in most Newspapers all over the world, then how about numerous murders of Musleem families in Palestine?

If his possessions were taken away from him, some other parties are willing to pay him back.

But how about Palestinian people- their right were denied, the “Invaders” seized their land, and their possessions were all gone, who will even care about them?

Do people have new definition of MERCY in this new era?

Watching the videos of fathers being tortured and taken away from their family is enough to make me burst into tears. The cry babies, the single mothers, the hunger brothers and the faces of my siblings pledge from million miles. Do people still think they are terrorists when they have nothing left (not a single weapon) but sacred souls that determined to keep on fighting. Do the people still stand firmly to support them as much as they did for Ashraf?

Then again, not my intended to condemn Asyraf, and the people who support him, he deserved the attention but I just want to highlight how the media plays big role in reporting BIG NEWS, that surely catch people’s attention. Sadly, media are prohibited to tell the whole world, the true stories behind the people who were labelled as TERRORIST in Palestine.

To my brothers and sisters, keep on praying for our siblings in Palestine. May Allah granted them with more redz ( rezeki) for this ramadhan, and when the death beds are calling, pray hard that it is for the name of “ fi sabililah”. Ameen.

For Asyraf, I hope you will recover soon and get back on your track- as a student. A tough guy indeed, who choose to stay, continue to chase after his dream and put off his nightmare behind, a true Malaysian I would say. May Allah bless you. Ameen.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

"Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never ever have enough."
-Oprah Winfrey