Saturday, October 15, 2011

fix me

Fix me

Heart break. I feel so devastated that I’m no longer see the pain nor I can feel it. So it is buried, deep down in my heart. I feel like throwing tantrum, being blunder, cursing under my breath but I can’t. I just let my tears dropping down, and let go everything. (but I know it is not merely means the end)


Belgaum, India – I love the place. I love the lecturers. I love the climate. I can tolerate with almost everything, name it – the dogs, the dust (even I have own my air purifier in my room), the freak auto , the ‘extreme food’ and the weird look being thrown to us (foreigner)

But I can’t really accept the management. Yesterday was supposed to be my volleyball match. This tournament is a big match involving the whole Karnataka State ( KLE society), students from Goa, Manipal and the nearby place came and join this event called TRINITY. It is composed of Cultural competition, Sport and Literature. Okay, then I was ecstatic to know that there will be VOLLEYBALL match. Oh My, I miss volleyball so much, that I can’t even concentrate in the class. Sometimes, in the middle of the lecture, my mind playing the trick on me, visualizing the most auspicious moment to dig the ball and serve it sharply. WOOAAAHHH~

To cut it short, I didn’t get to play volleyball. We are following the schedule while the match had been held a day in advance. They had not informed us about the changes. We were there, in the court waiting for the other team, when a judge came and dropped the breaking news to me. I can’t think of anything at that time. I'm down on my knees, and burst. See, in my campus the volleyball court is under construction, yet in almost a month I had been here, I didn’t get the chance to play, at all.

And I don’t expect people to understand how I feel. I’m not bragging how good I am in that sport, or have the intention to do so. And I don’t care what people say about that because NO One can stop me from playing my favourite sport. It is just me, my nature. I just doing thing I love the most. I feel good in my smelly shirt, with my dirty ball and messy looking ‘scarf’. I don’t give a damn on how I would look like on the field. The palpitation of my heartbeat, sharpness of the eyes and the co-operation between team members are enough to make my day. :’(

I’m miserable.

The next day, my English teacher read me a passage. Roughly, the passage was about FIND HAPPINESS WITHIN YOURSELF. I’m getting her point. I’m fighting against my feeling now. For the time being, please bear with me. Somebody,please FIX ME.


  1. hey, that is just sick and literally sickening. :( i mean, what kind of management does they have? is not this supposed to be a BIG tournament. it is just as tragic and i could really picture how it feels. i havent played volleyball as well here, tho there are a few cancelled plans before. but i'm sure there will come the day. we might not have played today, but we still have hope to play someday. and believe me, it is sooner rather than later.

  2. hey john. Tough times never last, tough people always do. :) am trying to stand firmly,waiting for that day. As you mentioned, "here", mind to share your location now? where on earth are you now?

  3. jemz, cant believe of what happened!! i know how that feels bcoz i'm a netball-maniac n i'm also like u, havent played for a long time. huhu ~_~ totally understand the strong ok! insyaAllah, i pray that u can have an awesome match there like in Kasukma 09 :D u girls, really cool!

  4. thats why, oh kasukma 2009, that was a great game i would say. remember how we knock them down, when we nearly lose the battle. my heart was about to drop that time.(: