(57:20) Know it well that the life of this world is nothing but a sport and pastime, and a show and boasting among yourselves and a rivalry in wealth and children.
I love this epic clock
Since I'm phone-less, this one comes handy. Familia comes first!
mr. shaky with an empty blue board
MR. King and his DEAREST Madam Queen.
My canvas of art.
| C. JoyBell C. |
| Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow. |
It was 2 a.m and I still reading, my twitter page. Today is Sunday, and it is not a holiday. Yeah we have class – Malay Class which is compulsory even though I’m no longer in my hometown But it’s fine with me.
I feel so blessed today, I just done my revision and I can easily grab the concept. It is well extraordinary, because I know my capability but sometimes I just underestimate myself. I am my worst enemy. I like putting unnecessary pressure on myself, by telling I’m not good enough. Point out my own weakness instead of concentrating on my strength. That’s pathetic. I know.
Pause. Then, a thought come into my mind. If Allah didn’t ease my study, I won’t be able to digest the content of my subject. That’s the ultimate true. Alhamdulilah, I closed my eyes, letting my soul to recall the shower of bless on me. Again, thank you ALLAH.
Another pause. What if I die tonight? Will people cry? like how I did when I first see this world? Yes.MAYBE. But apart from tears, I just hope they will remember me in their plight every time in sollah. Al fatihah is the best present one can give for the dead man, and me too. Fear of dying is there, but it is a world that already destined for us. This world we are live in is merely a dream, and the immortal life is after your heartbeat stop pumping.
I remember Fi’s father a.k.a Mr. Moghni said
“Dying is like moving from another phase. Like when you are baby, you grow up as a teenager, an adult, the old man and come the last phase, ‘man from different, time’. If you implement that in your mind, then you can lessen the fear”
Stop. Someone had just passed away. I ‘m not kidding. I just READ Azmir seed’s tweet. A junior. a boy. Mara College Banting.
Tick tock tick tock. His time had came.Who is next?
Like crossing the bridge, there are moments where you will grip the handle so hard, afraid from failing down, or maybe direct your attention on your feet, putting extra careful in steps you are about to take.
“ Try not to jump” she said.
*********************************************************************************
It was a hot afternoon where I ran back to my hostel to take a siesta before attending the Remedial class at 230pm. On my way, I stopped immediately at Ain Ariffin’s room, as a poster of a cute baby in a grim, clenching a fist and a note spotted down the picture “SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE YOUR OWN HERO” really caught my attention.
And one year had gone. Now I’m standing in a different land, with distinct languages being spoken. Luckily English is widely use among professional people over here, but I’m more interested to learn Kannada and Hindi. The subject is quite okay, as Prof KJ mentioned before, medicine is a simple yet adventurous subject. It is easy but you need to tackle the huge volume of the content. So true, imagine the class is started from 8am to 5pm, every Monday to Saturday. (: How cool is that? And can you imagine how many things I learn in a day? Absorption of knowledge is a question, but more than that, I enjoyed learning new things everything. For me, it is beyond memorizing what is ‘ala’, or ‘mastoid process’ or maybe what is tendon made up of?. It is more like the spirit of a baby starting to learn ABC, or counting as simple as 1 2 3. She is smart not by knowing everything in a first attempt but by forgiving herself as she made mistakes all along.
Adapting is another issue. Since I was in form 1, I learnt to be independent, being in a boarding school for 5 years, and after that spending my precious 2 years in a heaven called Mara College Banting. To be honest, I still stuck in reverse. Deep inside my heart, that college really mould to become who I am today. The place which I hate at first turned out to be a place where I hardly accept that I’m no longer it’s permanent citizen. I learn the hard way that excellent result doesn’t indicate that you’re intelligent, at the end it is only a piece of a paper, just a ticket for you to start your other journey. Because the most crucial thing is WHAT YOU HAD BECOME at the end.
I’m lucky to have a loyal and sister-like roommate. Her name is Deebs. She just won the Best of Short Movie awards for Trinity 2011. I’m so happy for her. Well, she is wayyyyy toooo nice to me. I mean she respects all my decisions, she knows how to handle my anger plus frustrations, she knows how to celebrate my joys and most of all, she understand whenever I need my privacy space (when I need to be alone). Because I just don’t see any point of being clingy here. I love to walk wherever my legs take me, I love to laugh with the people I just met, I love to hang out with a bunch of girls in the juice shop or just sitting next to random people in different lectures. I lead my life that way. Not to say I don’t have any closest friend, or clique, but in a mean time, I just want to be like this. Still, being reserved doesn’t mean I need to be quite. I’m still a chatterbox, whenever necessary. And somehow, you had to love yourself, being a hero and save your own life, from drowning in the ocean of shock.
And I’m my own hero(in). Am fixing myself and continue to cross this bridge, and I’m not afraid of the wooden holes. Oh Allah, please show me the way. (:
Fix me
Heart break. I feel so devastated that I’m no longer see the pain nor I can feel it. So it is buried, deep down in my heart. I feel like throwing tantrum, being blunder, cursing under my breath but I can’t. I just let my tears dropping down, and let go everything. (but I know it is not merely means the end)
********************************************************************************
Belgaum, India – I love the place. I love the lecturers. I love the climate. I can tolerate with almost everything, name it – the dogs, the dust (even I have own my air purifier in my room), the freak auto , the ‘extreme food’ and the weird look being thrown to us (foreigner)
But I can’t really accept the management. Yesterday was supposed to be my volleyball match. This tournament is a big match involving the whole Karnataka State ( KLE society), students from Goa, Manipal and the nearby place came and join this event called TRINITY. It is composed of Cultural competition, Sport and Literature. Okay, then I was ecstatic to know that there will be VOLLEYBALL match. Oh My, I miss volleyball so much, that I can’t even concentrate in the class. Sometimes, in the middle of the lecture, my mind playing the trick on me, visualizing the most auspicious moment to dig the ball and serve it sharply. WOOAAAHHH~
To cut it short, I didn’t get to play volleyball. We are following the schedule while the match had been held a day in advance. They had not informed us about the changes. We were there, in the court waiting for the other team, when a judge came and dropped the breaking news to me. I can’t think of anything at that time. I'm down on my knees, and burst. See, in my campus the volleyball court is under construction, yet in almost a month I had been here, I didn’t get the chance to play, at all.
And I don’t expect people to understand how I feel. I’m not bragging how good I am in that sport, or have the intention to do so. And I don’t care what people say about that because NO One can stop me from playing my favourite sport. It is just me, my nature. I just doing thing I love the most. I feel good in my smelly shirt, with my dirty ball and messy looking ‘scarf’. I don’t give a damn on how I would look like on the field. The palpitation of my heartbeat, sharpness of the eyes and the co-operation between team members are enough to make my day. :’(
I’m miserable.
The next day, my English teacher read me a passage. Roughly, the passage was about FIND HAPPINESS WITHIN YOURSELF. I’m getting her point. I’m fighting against my feeling now. For the time being, please bear with me. Somebody,please FIX ME.
28th September 2011.
Time flies so fast, before I couldn’t even record all the new things I discovered in here, Belgaum, India. Well, now is almost 3 am and I didn’t feel sleepy, yet. I blame the tasty WHITE COFFEE of OldTown , which I had took for breaking my fast. That caffeine is the culprit which restraint myself from curling up on my bed.
I had just received phone call from MR. A. Looks like he is easily adapting in Liverpool, having fun time chit chatting with the girl sitting next to him. Coincidence as it seems, that the girl has exactly share the same name as him. Well, in a simpler words, they are both have the same name. The girl is an Arabian from Kuwait if I’m not mistaken. HAHAHHAHA, well if they are together (soon), the only things that differ is the title of MISS and MR. in their first name. So sweet J.
Well it is a free call actually, that being rewarded for him, as the promotion strategy to persuade him to buy the sim card. Hence the phone call doesn’t cost him much.
Regarding my study in here, it is quite different as my degree is Medical Degree (MD) and not MBBS, the most common degree in Malaysia. So, the explanation is here, in my brain, but my fingers refused to type it one by one. Maybe I can explain it later, if necessary. But basically, now I’m in nursing block. Nothing much, but I’m quite surprised by the enthusiasm showed by the lecturers. They are dedicated to give the knowledge and deliver the lectures/lessons as clear as possible. Somehow I feel like been given spoon feeding. Imagine we are just need to enter the lecture hall, then the lecturer will explain things from A to Z, he will clear up your doubt if you have any, he will do research if he can’t answer the questions and get it back to you, and you can even rewind the lesson on the website because it was recorded. Fuh!
I’m afraid the students (including me), will have the tendency to become too dependent on people soon. You can’t always depend on the people. That’s for sure.
However, I had the small talk with Frans (my senior), and she mentioned about the PBL in the 2nd year. PBL stands for Problem Based Learning , is a method of study where the student will have discussion among themselves, solve the case given, and learn new thing from the case. For example, case related ermmm MALARIA. Then they will study the factors or anything related to it. Luckily they provide the space for the students to be independent in digging new knowledge. Maybe that’s one of the reason, this system is called ‘integrated’.
Till then,
Hey!
So, I safely arrived in India, to be specific in Belgaum. I travelled with Juraimy and Fazmi, few KMBians and the rest of Kolej Teknologi Timur (KTT)’s students. Oh ya, we were accompanied by our deputy dean Prof. KJ.
Kuala Lumpur International Airport à Bangalore Airport à Hubli Airport
HUBLI AIRPORT
2 buses of Karnataka International School were arrived readily for us. One is meant for the boys and one is for the girls. Next, 3 Indian boys kindly help us to lift up our luggage on the buses since they have no bag compartment. Well, it is just like a school bus. But I thanked them for their kindness.
Throughout the journey to our campus, the green lush scenery never failed to amaze me. The road was functional well, so I won’t bother to complaint about it anywhere. By the way, I was so excited to see a tank lorry –( just like our PETRONAS lorry which usually used for carrying fuel like petrol or natural gas) with a ‘MILK’ labelled at the back. WOW! HAHAHHA. Milk is as important as the petrol back in Malaysia. One more thing I love to emphasize is about HONKS. They greet each other via honks, so ‘noise pollution’ is not really exist in the dictionary of people of India. Sometimes their honks have this melody *
Main Hostel
Alhamdulilah. I had reached the campus. Once again, the Indian patron carried my luggages and boxes up to my room. Since Adibah Abd. Rahman (my roommate) had reached the campus one day earlier than me, so I don’t need to register for another room. My room number is 511 which coded for 5th floor, no. 11. Fazmi and Ju’s room is 506. Yes. Boys and girls are living under one roof, in the same building that being divided with a partition, where the right sided is boys’ hostel and the other half is for the girls. No worries, the partition is concrete enough that no one is able pass through it. So, I won’t meet any boys along the corridor. Too bad. :P
Everyone kept asking about my rice cooker since the box is only wrapped by the airport plastic that can be seen clearly on the outside. I had no problem to lend it to them, with a condition that they are obliged to put extra care of handling it. I brought the rice cooker from Malaysia so that I won’t have trouble finding hot/warm water in the middle of the night. My mom insisted me to bring rice cooker because it is multi-function rather that kettle/water heater alone. Apart from that, I bring along my hair dryer ( girl’s stuff) and air purifier – for health purposes.
USM KLE Campus
So, the next day we had a welcome ceremony. It was their tradition to welcome the new comers with roses. I was ecstatic to see the pioneer, the first batch of USM-KLE were gathered at the main entrance, waiting for us to make an honour entrance. While we were moving inside, each of us will receive a rose. Romantic right?
I still kept the rose inside my book.
p/s The above text was written on 12th September, but I just had the opportunity to post it. Haha
my 'gothic' sis
Last night I went to DR. Ahmad’s clinic, he is more than a family doctor to me. He is like a councillor, the one who always boost my motivation to chase after my dream, to be a doctor.
So basically I need to take the 3rd shot of hepatitis B. The 1st shot was taken 7 months ago, while the 2nd shot was taken 1 month after that. Dr. Saaidah, our college/IB coordinator had email us regarding this shot, that is necessary to be taken by ALL MEDIC students. At first I was confused, because I thought this shot is compulsory to all students who are about to fly aboard – to prevent from infectious disease. But my fellow engineering friends need not to take them.
So, I just let my confusion lingers in the air, until last night.
Me : Why we need to take this shot?
Dr. A : Well, as the medical student, you’ll exposed to bacteria, gems and virus, or common disease from the patient. Prevention is better than cure right?
Me: Owh. Okay. (Avoid seeing my upper arm, yet I can still feel the pain under the skin as the needle poke slowly). So, err ‘hepa’ is heart right?
Dr. A : Nope. Hepa is liver.
Me : yes. I mean, liver. ( HATI (in Malay) is liver. Then, Jantung (in Malay) is heart) )
Dr. A : The word ‘hepa’ is derived from American Latin which means liver. And titis, anything end with ‘titis’ means inflammation or disease. These words are from American Latin. So HEPA-TITIS is liver disease,
Me : penyakit hati!
Dr. A : Yeah you got it right.
Ironically, we might talk about the same thing, at the same time, but from a very different view. While he explained ‘HEPATITIS’ , my mind keep digesting it as LIVER DISEASE. I’m not bluffing, I was thinking about the HEART disease.
Actually, it was ‘liver disease’.
****** Okay, I’m getting confused here ************
Firstly, I’m not a pious girl, but I remembered during the Islamic Education’s class, my USTAZ once told us,
“ There is one essential part of the human’s body. If it’s pure, then the rest of body will be fine- and the organ is HEART”
Rasul Allah (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound
and if it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt, and hearken it is the heart."
[Sahih Muslim]
( source : http://collectionofislamicebooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/cure-hearts-with-quran.html)
“ Every sin that you commit will leave a black mark/ dot in your heart. Sooner or later, your heart will be dark as pitch-black, and that will definitely explained your rebellious/barbaric/ mean attitude.”
Have you ever heard that, “It is not the colour of your skin, or your body size, or your maybe your height that define who you are. But your HEART is. ”
Well, maybe that’s explained how the ‘KIND-HEARTED’ word is derived.
I been thinking for a couple of days, what is the colour of my heart? Is it white- pure? Or maybe it is as dark as charcoal?
Or, just assume it will be in between, my heart is GREY. And I realize, assumption kill!
One of the top factors of this disease is a stubborn virus - GOSSIP.
Being a girl, you can’t help listening to all the gossips, almost every day. The girl next door having baby outside marriage, mr. Z is a failure boy, he can’t afford to find any job and now his parent need to pay his loan (PTPTN), She might looks nice in the outside, but surprisingly she practised black magic and injected ‘susuk’ , His father is Dato’, no wonder he won the competition, and the list goes on and on and on. Correction, it is applied to boys as well, so being a HUMAN, sounds better.
It’s eerie to know that, not only the lips- that utter the words, will be judged in the Judgement Day. So does the ears that do the listening part. At times I feel like running milestone when this kind of conservation started. Especially when I listen it from my mother, my teacher or grandmother or just family members, I will try to defend that persons ( if I know them) or I will just start to run a new topic, make random compliments or ask stupid questions to distract the main storyline.
And sometimes I just get carried away with the conversation. Or be the one who started it, ( I admit it)
I just knew that this exposure of news make me closer to feel insecure. Imagine you heard about bad news from different sources, and one day, the sun didn’t brighten your day as you want it to be, engulf by the solemn clouds, you know that the time had come, and when tickle of rains start to fall off, the first thing popped up in your mind will be
“WHAT’S THE PEOPLE GOING TO SAY ABOUT MY FAILURE/SIN _____?’
It ain’t fun. Because some people are brave and blunt at the same time, make nasty comment right to your face. You have no choice but to swallow the words, bit by bit.
And to some, they are sensitive about it or cowardly gossip about it behind YOUR back, which was, WORST.
And I don’t think 3rd shot is enough to prevent this disease. HEPATITIS can be blocked before spread to the rest of the body but HEART DISEASE is like a contagious long-life sickness. We pick up the virus anytime, anywhere. Yup, the one to be blamed – the words.
Pick the right words, do the second thought before deliver them, verbally.
Apart from that, a practical solution to re-whitening the heart, making it crystal clear is ,
"A great amount of remembrance of death and recitation of the Qur'an." [Tirmidhi].
(source : http://collectionofislamicebooks.blogspot.com/2008/09/cure-hearts-with-quran.html)
Finally, just make sure the heart is in good condition, physically and spiritually. :D
“Don’t ruin the future because of your past. It is so not worthy – Jamariah ”
So, I decided not to wallow in self-pity, and I need to move on. Even it is so hard, like a tied-bricks on my feet, I need to MOVE ON.
So, I made a list and wrote down the pros and cons. It is sort of scribble of my own thought, in a A4 paper. It looks like this ;
| Pro | Cons |
| It is a new university; I get to stay in a sophisticated building, which it’s far better than staying in most of government hostels in Malaysia. The rent is dirty cheap tho’, less than RM200 per month, for a master-room size (I assume it when I saw the pictures) equipped with a toilet +heater. | It is INDIA. Bear in mind, inside the hostels and campus area might appeared clean and hygiene. But, outside? Well, I got to wait and see, how true the rumours can be. Plus I have sensitive skin ( I cannot sweep the floor), allergic to dusts (sinus), easily affected by miscellaneous ‘organisms’ causing me fever, or headache, or flu or cough especially as pollution gets more and more rampant. Solution : I wanna buy air purifier and vacuum, and put it in my room. Get tonnes of masks and gloves, during the BAD days. |
| I will graduate with a MD (Medical Degree), after a fight with Cikgu Nik, I want to highlight that MBBS is equivalent to MD. The only difference is MBBS is a UK degree while MD followed US style. ( Like A level and IB). Plus, Jawaharlal Nehru is a renowned college/uni in India, as well as in Malaysia. At least, Malaysia medical doctor association recognized it, so there will be no one can question my degree in the future. Plus, it is 100% USM syllabus which I considered myself as lucky as the fact that, it is hard to get into government medical school in Malaysia. | There will be no INTERNATIONAL STUDENTs apart from the local ( Indians) in the university. So hell yeah, we are all MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. MALAYSIAN. No variety. What the purposed of study oversea, again? And everyone end up with medicine, or dentistry course. We gonna talk about MEDICAL stuff most of the time. Or test. Or cadaver. Or classes. To be true, I find people with different course (like engineering) are far more interesting. They give wider perspective of an issue that make me think beyond the norm. Their thoughts, or shares, or just jokes keep me going, and usually make me feel ‘ NORMAL’. Solution : No solution. The only choice I have is to mix with the local.( Will do). Be creative. Be interesting. Oh yeah, I easily get bored with something/someone. Turn me on, please ;P |
| Currency. RM 1= INR 13.8. Heaven? I know. If I’m not mistaken, I will be given traveller cheque for 6 months in advance. So, after done with the easy MATHEMATICS calculation, my allowance will be USD500 per month. Equivalent to PLUS MINUS RM1500 ( RM 1 = USD 2.9) . My expenses for a month : 1) Rent = apprx. RM200 2) Food (MESS)= Will be covered by MARA 3) Miscellaneous = RM XXX 4) Books= Refer to books allowance 5) Electrical Appliances = Refer to electrical appliances allowance. So, RM 1500 – RM200 = RM1300. Minus all the miscellaneous thingy, I know I can save up to RM500. :D It is quite a lot, so I can use them to travel around INDIA with Maya, Ju, Deebs, Anis, and Fazmi Doraemon. | Milo is rare. It is damn expensive ( refer to Zarena Belle who currently study @ MSU, india). Magee is ‘sedap’ no more, no kicap. Be careful if I wanna eat outside, or else I end up spending the whole of the day inside the loo. Hygiene is the main issue, which hardly to be controlled. I am not in Malaysia, where I can file a complaint or let the authorities take legal action against the owner of the stall/restaurant. Solution: Bring lots of stock. For sure. And mama asked me to bring along the rice cooker and water heater. Drink clean water. Cook if I can, especially in Saturday’s night ( MESS, the café that supplied us with the luxurious food will be closed). Buy fresh raw meats, or vegetables. Clean them thoroughly. So, anyone who good in cooking, kindly be my roommate please? Haha. |
| Travel around INDIA, leave a mark in Taj Mahal Area. Visit nearby countries like Egypt – for pyramids-seeing, Hong Kong (Disneyland) and my favourite honeymoon spot - MALDIVES (must go!!) | Unhealthy diet will lead me nowhere but hospital. This situation will occur, only and only if I wanna save up and travel to Europe and US. It will consume lots of money which I think I can’t afford. Despite of the declination currency of US Dollar, Indian Rupee still won’t able to beat that. L Goodbye Olympic 2012. But I’ll try to save for Ireland. Can’t wait to see my other classmates, which will be studying in National University of Galway. Proud of you guys :D Solution : Go with the flow. Dive but don’t get drown. |
| Thank you Allah for keep me awake during the graduation day. I can still hear the voice in my head, “ Malaysia needs more economist, entrepreneurs, engineering in Technology and specialist doctor in the future ”- quoted by Ketua Pengarah MARA, YB Datuk Ibrahim in PICC, 6th August 2011. And he adds “ MARA willing to offer scholarship for those who are interested in that field”. Can you spot the opportunity? Yes. I’ll continue my study until I became a specialist. There are 2 universities that caught my attention so far – Uni of Cardiff, Uk and Uni of John Hopkin, US. Why? 1) According to Uncle Osman ( Safo’s father), they are many Indians in Cardiff. J 2) As I learnt in Business Class, most US companies placed their operator line in India. They trained the Indians to speak fluently like them to do the job. India is known for the low labor supply, so America companies seized this opportunity to cut cost, which eventually will increase their revenue. In my opinion, they are more business relationship going on between these countries. | However, the requirement for postgraduate is quit high. I must obtain at least, 1st class upper to secure the place. Then again, I do not know, if they will recognize USM graduates. Unlike UM, which is a worldwide known, I still have doubt about this. There will be a lot of tiring procedures to endure with, such as medical examinations, obtaining recommended letters, and interviews. Solution : If you dare to dream, you must dare to keep it real. I just love this quote. Be creative about the visualisation. |
| My drugs- volleyball and basketball. Well, being the captain and share the tears and laughter is one of the most enjoyable moments in my life. I won’t give up that easy. I still want to be an International Player. Twist ( currently study at Manipal) told me there will be a volleyball tournament in Manipal College on December. LAGENDA – the name of the programme, which organized by Malaysian Student Association, provided many games to be won ,Malaysian foods to be sold and cultural performances to be performed on that week. | Not to forget volleyball requires members of 7 girls. I’m not going to play alone. Solution: Work out. Find members. I love getting my hands dirty, my body stinky and beat of sweats running through my face to prove I have what it takes to win over the championship. So do contact me if anyone interested to play. |
Well I’m glad I could apply the business technique, to list the pro and con, and calculated the move, to weight whether it is a wise step or not. I believe in analytical personality will go far if I set my mind on it. Alhamdulilah I got 7 for business, I should be an entrepreneur then :D
I hope this is final and my next 5 years will be memorable.
