Now I'm learning a new block -Nutrition Block. Yeah, light as the name suggests but I didn't take it lightly. Final is coming up, I have to be well prepared. Talking about preparation, I missed one of my morning classes. I regret that. Everyday, my biggest struggle is to wake up for fajr and go for morning classes.
Most of the time I wonder, will I marry a pious man, the one who will pull me closer to Allah or the one who falls me apart? I acknowledged the fact that,
Good man is for good woman, and vice versa.
That is really, true. I can't deny that this statement dragged me down to the bottom part of the earth. Every time I think to build a future with someone, I reflected back to myself. Somehow I didn't wake up on time for prayer, I missed my classes, sometimes I didn't wear a proper hijab (I'm trying tho) and there are a lot more, that I think, I need to really work on it. What kind of wife I would be?
This inferior I had, restricted me from keep on admiring ze boys. The good ones. I have this mental sickness, that alter the perception back to myself, with several questions, like
He doesn't deserve you.
He is so knowledgeable in religion as compared as you.
He might prefer someone who is gentle, as pious as he is and good in cooking. but not you.
Oh right! I didn't mention I don't know how to cook. =.=' I just know how to bake some cakes, with the recipe on my hands. Cooking isn't my thing. I love food but not the process of turning the solid raw material into a consumable one. I don't need a reminder, I know I must have the chef hands to win a husband's heart.
Errr did I mention husband? I mean, to get one. Haha
So, when my friends asked, "what kind of guy would you like to be your prince?". I'll answer, " I handed the choice to my mother". I don't know whether I really mean those words or not. I already told my mother bout it, but she just laughed and of course- without further comments.
Everyday I pray, Oh Allah shows me the light. If He is the one for me, shows me the way. If he is not, destroyed the feeling in my heart. I'm certainly sure, that love is no longer pure, it could be spell-bounded with a curse - nafs.
but. i didn't find anyone just yet.