BLANK

It took me about few minutes to pick a suitable title. Then, I just move on. leave it blank.

There was so many things going on last few weeks but I wasn't in a good mood to press the keyboard. So, on 6th July 2011, the day of the year, IB result was released. Everyone was looking forward for it, in a very different way (of course). I can feel the butterfly and buffaloes in my stomach. I never feel so nervous like this.

9 pm.

I was in Bella's house, press the keyboard slowly. Carefully key in my ID and password. And cover the laptop with a magazine. Out of the blue, Bella pulled it down, and I stared at the monitor, a number change everything.

34.

to be exact 33 +1

For a moment I had this long pause, and stare at the monitor. Yes, it is a 34, not 36. I didn't meet my uni requirement. I can bid goodbye for UNIVERSITY COLLEGE CORK and NATIONAL UNIVERSITY OF GALWAY. I can't reach IRELAND.dreamland.

I cry, I cry. I took wudhu, solat and cry. Cry and pray. and pray and cry.

When you actually put so much hope, like putting a single brick everyday, side by side and top of others, arrange them creatively , stick them with the strongest cement you can earned, make them a house. And do believe it is your dream house.

And when the wind blew....

No , when the typhoon came, it destroyed everything. In a split second, everything scattered into million pieces. So do my heart. and my parents'.

BUT

it is not everything about the house, I mean the result. I couldn't believe I became this strong girl. Look, seriously when I was a junior in KMB, heard bout how many seniors didn't get to fly, didn't get into their preferences university, I was so pity on them. and it scared me as well.

BUT

hey, I been here, I was there. I am a failure (not really). I take it back, I didn't meet my university requirement. But this phase actually makes me realized, my result would not mean I had to forget my dream. I'am a runner, with a good start, but I felt down in a sharp turn. I hurt. I'm broken. But, nothing beat the taste of RISE ABOVE YOUR FAILURE.

And I would like to remind myself that the world is a huge place, I may not end up in my dream university, but there are hundreds of opportunities and different people to meet everyday. And I had a very good cry, this keep me going. But I never regret that I took IB at the first place. I may not be proud of my result, but I'm proud of what I have become.

Alhamdulilah.

p/s : Thank you Bella, KN, ezzad and ah huyy for support and supper!