Thursday, July 21, 2011


It took me about few minutes to pick a suitable title. Then, I just move on. leave it blank.

There was so many things going on last few weeks but I wasn't in a good mood to press the keyboard. So, on 6th July 2011, the day of the year, IB result was released. Everyone was looking forward for it, in a very different way (of course). I can feel the butterfly and buffaloes in my stomach. I never feel so nervous like this.

9 pm.

I was in Bella's house, press the keyboard slowly. Carefully key in my ID and password. And cover the laptop with a magazine. Out of the blue, Bella pulled it down, and I stared at the monitor, a number change everything.

to be exact 33 +1

For a moment I had this long pause, and stare at the monitor. Yes, it is a 34, not 36. I didn't meet my uni requirement. I can bid goodbye for UNIVERSITY COLLEGE CORK and NATIONAL UNIVERSITY OF GALWAY. I can't reach IRELAND.dreamland.

I cry, I cry. I took wudhu, solat and cry. Cry and pray. and pray and cry.

When you actually put so much hope, like putting a single brick everyday, side by side and top of others, arrange them creatively , stick them with the strongest cement you can earned, make them a house. And do believe it is your dream house.

And when the wind blew....
No , when the typhoon came, it destroyed everything. In a split second, everything scattered into million pieces. So do my heart. and my parents'.


it is not everything about the house, I mean the result. I couldn't believe I became this strong girl. Look, seriously when I was a junior in KMB, heard bout how many seniors didn't get to fly, didn't get into their preferences university, I was so pity on them. and it scared me as well.


hey, I been here, I was there. I am a failure (not really). I take it back, I didn't meet my university requirement. But this phase actually makes me realized, my result would not mean I had to forget my dream. I'am a runner, with a good start, but I felt down in a sharp turn. I hurt. I'm broken. But, nothing beat the taste of RISE ABOVE YOUR FAILURE.

And I would like to remind myself that the world is a huge place, I may not end up in my dream university, but there are hundreds of opportunities and different people to meet everyday. And I had a very good cry, this keep me going. But I never regret that I took IB at the first place. I may not be proud of my result, but I'm proud of what I have become.


p/s : Thank you Bella, KN, ezzad and ah huyy for support and supper!


  1. you are MOST WELCOME to crash my place ANY FREAKING TIME! and yeah, been there, done that. GOD is the best planner, after all :)

  2. sabar maria....who knows you can achieve better here :)