Goodbye.

Change. Not everyone likes change after being in a comfort for far too long. But nothing will stay the same. Even your cells are dying everyday and continuously replace by the set of baby cells. And athan, it will not be repeated, you might heard the same rhythm, but it will not be the same athan recorded yesterday.

This blog means a lot to me. Sadly I had to shut it down, but I don't know how. and I choose to be ignorant. I will let it be, as it is now.


So here the link for my new blog,  http://shakyjemz.wordpress.com/

In case you miss me. :)

Vow.

Heed my words Pro, we will bring you down. We, 83 soldiers will do whatever it takes to win this battle, alive!

Run Baby Run

When you're far away from The Land Below the Wind, prove to the world, You are worth the DISTANCE. 


Dear self, keep on running towards the finishing line. :)

Snakw and Cat

I was in a house with a group of toddlers and a teacher. We were discussing about a subject - I never heard before. Suddenly everyone rushed towards the store room and locked themselves - including the teacher.

Not knowing what was going on, I stood steadily outside the store room and began to untie the knots of confusion inside me.

Before I could tell, I knocked the store room and asked to join  the group. Shockingly, the teacher shaken her head and said,

 " You can handle this yourself". and locked the door.

I don't know what to do, or to say but my eyes wildly observed my surrounding. Ah, the setting was in a kitchen. Slowly, I walked towards one corner and remained silent.

To my surprise, I saw a black cat with a fluorescent eyes on the table - it was looking at me and smile.
Not long after that,  a girl came into the kitchen. Her body was shaking as if the world is going down, vigorously, she got down to her knee and transformed  into a snake

*Yusssh*

In a blink of an eye, the snake and the cat put off their cast, and become 2 ladies. They are right in front of me, and one of them - The snake, approached me and held my hands.

She said, " Don't be afraid, come to my world.."

That is goosebumps! I kept on muttering some ayahs that probably could save me from the illusion of shatan.
Oh God, help me.

Not long after that, another woman appeared, and started to whisper to my ears. I could not remembered the details but the words she was telling me - was taken from the Holy Book. I followed my instinct and repeated the words after her.

I can no longer hold myself, so I thought, I screamed " This is only a dream"

And I woke up. It was 5pm and the nightmare had gotten me earlier that it should be. I don't know what thats means.

Maybe it could be something. or Maybe that is only the game of illusion. Whatever it is, I'm so thankful for the gift. The gift - the ability to pull myself back to the real world and leave the fantasy dream behind.

Oh!

Where you go?

Dear bloggy,

I feel uneasy lately. It is not that I'm sicked or stressed out for my final. That feeling comes again. Emptiness inside my heart. They say if you feel Allah in your heart, then that would be enough, as if I have everything.

But I'm in not at that level. Maybe, my journey is far ahead before I could really 'feel' it.

Dear bloggy,


Can I really mask this sadness? 
I'm really tired of crying. When I was younger, I'm this bad tempered girl that would throw tantrum to anyone I like. I always fight hard to get what I want the most, but I grow up to be this fragile girl.


Thanks to my high school. They really thought me to consider others feeling, to serve them, to make them happy - even it is means, to ignore yours.


But, at this moment, if I explode I would just cry my heart out. Furthermore, I'm powerless, my body had restrained itself from wailing, screaming or even crushing people.

Oh, I feel pathetic.
Because I am.

Dear bloggy, can you find my thing for me? I kinda lost it. I lost the most precious belonging I ever posses.  I lost my SPIRIT.

Fair bussiness.

So the toughest moment had passed. My mother had successfully undergone her breast cancer surgery, for the 2nd time. I remembered the last time I had this anxiety inside of me. I can't sleep tho my final was just around the corner.

Crying all alone until 4 am, because I was just too worried. Alhamdulilah, Allah had helped her again.

Not to mention, in this life, success doesn't always define your own happiness. Squatting in the loo, letting all the tears streaming down my cheeks, I prayed to Allah,

" I don't really mind if I do not get the so-called-distinction for my final, or if I just pass the exam with average marks, please protect her ya Allah. I really hope my mama is still alive. Of course, I can't imagine the otherwise. I really want to fast together, so I can kiss her hands, hold her tight and celebrate Raya for this year"

 And HIS POWER is unbeatable. I trade my result for her well life. For that reason alone, for a daughter that cares, it is worth it. No question, the benefit is beyond the cost put on my shoulder.

Unseen World

Now, I'm having my microbiology classes. It was extremely interesting! My Prof said,  wrote a minute 'dot' on a paper, and divided that into 1000 times. And that is the size of virus, subhannallah how small the creatures are. They are about 20-300 nm.  During the journey to learn this block, I feel like discovering and unrevealing a new world. The unseen world.

The more I learn, the more humble I become. Allah the Al-Mighty has the created different world for us to think, to be vigilant that world we live in, is merely - temporary. Nothing stay forever. 

Now ja gift, Now a gift.

Yesterday, Joanna leave Belgaum. Joanna, a surgeon/ researcher who comes to India just for collecting data for her project paper in KLE University. Oh ya, Joanna is from Northern England, and definitely with a heavy British-accent. No doubt, I love that accent.

I didn't really close to her, but as far as I remembered, we used to sit in the same table at the Mess during lunch and mostly- dinner. We exchanged our stories, and most likely everyday conversation will turn up like this,

" How was your day? "

" I'm quite busy. I skipped my lunch".

"The patients are waiting for me, I shall go now"

Sometimes I feel it was superficial conversation, but what else do you really need to ask? . I am busy so do her. I wonder it is the same conversation I would have with my family once I get the "Dr" title. I hope not, that would make a terrible wife, and mother too.

So, back to Joanna story, she gave me 2 pens - with United Kingdom's flag picture surround the shaft of the pen. It was so nice of her, because that simple gifts really fire me up. It motivates me to work harder for my Pro Examination ( which is just less than a month to go ) and pamper myself to Eire and UK next Feb!

I know most people said,  the holiday is too short to really enjoy the trip. But for me, I really want to go, regardless any conditions. I have my friends all over the states and I would surely enjoy my holiday. And about the how expensive the ticket could be, I really think that I deserved that.

It was my money I'm been saving for few months that I would finally spend on the thing I love the most. People, we have different stand, and I won't bow down simply like that.

I have wish lists which are meant to be ticked, and dreams meant to be grabbed. And it is mine and it will be never yours. I stand with my dreams, and InsyALLAH this will keep me going. To Eire, To UK , and to fight the Pro! - that the price I'll pay.